My GUidInG STaR (.*)

2007-07-23T22:19:00.000+08:00

first day of work! 23-7-07 :)

from now on im gonna keep my entries short and sweet. cos i dun think i have sufficient time to update every details.

my first day of work, see numbers! dealt with Freight and Manifest Correctors. Profound right? almost a whole day of tutorial and hand-on try-outs with the figures. tally the figures and book-keeping.pheww...have never done that before. now it's gonna be tough! but can be fun when you got the hang of it. i hope to get hooked faster, so that i dun have to fear anymore. haha.

before starting work, had this silly thoughts again. felt like running away from all these horrible feelings of doing scary things like those. lol. :p but sensible mind tells me to be strong! haha. =stupid=

resting early for work tml :) must be happy working!

2007-07-19T10:44:00.000+08:00

JOB secured! here comes the PR! :)

oh yea!!!! guess what? guess what?? hahaha! I got a job offer already! wheeee~~~~ im damn happy. phewwwwsss....even more happy after the result of my pre-employment medical check-up was out. no problem! I got a job position as a Shipping Officer in Accounts Department! in (MSC)Mediterranean Shipping Company(Switzerland). It is a really big company, thats what my brother-in-law told me.

Can you imagine after months of jobs searching, finally i could settle down and get a PR. Im so happy about it!!! hehehe...

The workplace is at suntec Tower 4, level 34! whee! hehe...i was interviewed by the manager and then the director after that, on the same day, 16th July. after which i was accepted. wow! i cant believe it! everything was done quickly as i said i would like to start work asap. and it was supposed to be starting on the 18th of july as stated in the contract. so i went down to ICA to apply for my PR the next day. hehe..but my medical result was not out yet. so have to wait till monday to start working, 23rd July. hehe..but that would be fine so that I can get mentally prepared and shop for clothes. hehe...im excited and nervous at the same time. arghh..but im very very happy. i keep squeaking like a squirrel till i scared off my sis sometimes. i just dont know why when Im happy I would make such noises like that, like kid. haha...really too happy already. hahaha...but..got to be careful of office politics already. futhermore, it's a big company. better know my boundaries. hahaha..

finally my 12 years of singapore has been paid off by a PR. my long-awaited status. hehe...

2007-07-13T22:25:00.000+08:00

Stupid donuts!

oh my! i cant believe i waited for the stupid donuts for 2 hr 15 mins to be exact ok! i really cant believe it. i have never waited for anything like that before, not even hello kitty, not in my life. waste time. haha.. went out with Eunice for lunch cum tea time at cafe cartel, after that we walked around at raffles city to shop around and then we saw this 'donut factory' which i happened to see the same kind of donuts i have eaten back in Thailand. i cant believe how long the queue was. did it taste that nice to be worth waiting for? i didnt intend to buy but eunice's friends asked her a favour. so i just accompanied her to queue. in the end i bought them so i can vent my frustration on my waiting time. to make it worthwhile for me to wait that long for those pathetic donuts. the bakers and cashiers were doing so slowly manz. no sense of urgency at all. but they are still doing well in business. on my way home, i had this silly thought, what if some people rob me of my donuts? my effort would be really wasted then. lol. hahaha! stupid right?

So-called new hair :)

Today i dyed my hair reddish brown, something like copper colour. but i dont know why it was rather unsuccessful, everytime like that. my hair dont seem to absorb hair colours. it's so stubborn. hopefully after a few days it will turn out brighter...thats what usually it will happen.

feeling so sianz now...have been watching some sad korean dramas, so sad manz...i cried until my eyes are swelling red. haha...

and my stupid nephew asked me, " Ee-ee, how long have you been crying for ah?" idiot him. asked such a question!

okie lah, i gotta continue with my shows...

byeee

2007-07-08T13:18:00.000+08:00

without work comes the painful life

thinking about having no work at the moment, im so mentally stressed. even though im prepared to take it slowly and step by step. but the thoughts simply wouldnt go away. it comes occasionally when im financially stucked and nothing to do. stucked up life. so sianz..why???

haiz..there hasnt been a respond from Alexandra Hosp. which was my only hope and yet it disappeared just like that. im so sick! sick! sick! please help me...argh! why life hasnt been smooth for me now?? it's just simply sucks to be stucked at home rotting away and spending money which was not earned at all. keeps owing my bank account money. hopes to earn back the amount i spent asap. please please give me a job...

haiz...sometimes life is so stucked up due to my own attitude problems too. im just who i am. im not a perfect one. im too emotional and weak. i simply cant control. im not strong. i may look strong on the surface. but im not. yea. i will try my best to be strong no matter what. i will have to try to be a heck care person. and not to indulge myself into stupid or wild thinking. im just too silly on my part. sorry for giving you a lot of burden and tiredness. even the boredom to face my stupidity as such.

im just too problematic. i dont know how much i can improve myself or even change myself into someone i am not. it's really hard and it needs time. maybe some harsh learning experience that turn my life upside will make me pain enough to learn how to pick up strong skills of being a STRONG person. thats why i think i need to work!!

please give me work to do so that i will slowly explore the world. to be out of 'theory' life. i want 'practical' life. i would expect to see drastic changes. but i dont care. i wanna learn that part of life. i would expect myself to regret. but i have to face it in order to move out of my stupid life. my every stupidities. the moves, the actions and the mindset.

2007-07-05T19:15:00.000+08:00

PSYCHOLOGICAL PROFILE

//Others see you as fresh, lively, charming, amusing, practical, and always interesting; someone who's constantly in the centre of attention, but sufficiently well-balanced not to let it go to their head. They also see you as kind, considerate, and understanding; someone who'll always cheer them up and help them out. \\

2007-07-03T20:38:00.000+08:00

My interview

hmm...all done for my interview, was in excitement and nervousness, and then my dream was shattered when I saw my classmate who went there for the interview too. oh manz...not only that, there were supposed to be a few more others. argh! sadded liao. :( u know what? the there's engineering worksheet to do too! shit manz...very alike my studies materials, yet my foundation sucks. i didnt do well i guess. but as for others should be okie. the biomedical engineer said my foundation was not good, but if he were to give me a stack of notes to read, would i want to study on it? of Cos i said yes!! i would do anything to get the job. even to get me to study the hardest subject on earth manz...haha..maybe i might have a chance somewhere? hope so? hope so? haha...wish me luck!

*Prays*

2007-07-02T23:12:00.000+08:00

2 movies in the row!

Today was supposed to meet deardear for tuition lesson de. supposed to be his teacher going to teach that kid de. in the end, the kid and the teacher went to watch movies. wat the hell...haha..i expected liao. this lazy boy. haha..school reopening soon liao, still dun want to buck up. dying to help him in maths. whereby i can show my maths power. wahaha...! but everytime postponed and postponed. all his fault. idiot. :p

we watched Transformer and Die Hard 4. Both also his fav lor. But i was alright with it la, cos they were both worth watching. excellent special effects. lol. good moral behind the stories. we watched from 3.15pm till 8pm. oh manz..wahaha! next time should try movie marathon. lol.

oh yah!! tml's my interview in Alexandra hospital. im sooo excited and nervous. better do some studying for what I have studied in school before. cos the job is related to what i had been studying. (biomedical electronics engineering).....im gonna be an engineering assistant in biomedical engineering department. yeah! hmmms...jia you me! hahaha!hope i can walk thru the interview. wahaha!

*prays hard*

Happy ONE year THREE months!

2007-07-02T00:12:00.000+08:00

It's OUR 15th month anniversary!!! how time flies. seems long, seems short.hope we have many more months to go. haha. nevermind, as long as we are happy can already.

now i have decided to come back here blog again, rather than xanga. im so fickle-minded manz. lol.

today went to play volleyball in smu with 7 of our RP vballers. trespassed smu with our fake identies. lol. really very long le never play vball. kinda lazy...lol..no goals in playing vball, unlike last time, competitions like IVP waiting for us to accomplish. now different feeling..or...my feeling had changed some time back le...cos of certain things...well..thats how life is.

ah dar went to m'sia played goldcard and plus ate A&W, i couldnt go cos last night came home super later, got scolded. but i really really wanna play goldcard!!! argh!!! so today "guai" a bit stay home more den go play vball. hehe..after that my thoughtful ah dar went to fetch me from smu. so thoughtful and sweet of him :) we went to eat some chicken wings(oops =x) and den he sent me home...sometimes i feel that the more restriction i got, the more i miss him...and wanna be with him...lol...

okie lah, im stressing my shoulders as usual again..better stop writing now...

miss you everybody. welcome me back here k!

sign off : muacks

2007-05-11T23:42:00.000+08:00

It's Glitz 2007 today!!! haha.

Woke up and did my housework as usual, with a special duty, vacuumed the floor and mopped it. Wow..so clean now. Lol.
Went to bathe and then got ready for Glitz night, which took place in school, TRCC. sianz..school again. I was nominated for the Best Captain of the year! oh my! I know I wont get anything, cos im kinda useless captain. Lol. I know it one. but anyway, i din carry much hope for that. Another great thing is, our female team was nominated for the best team of the year. and lastly, I've got Meritorious Silver award again! 3 consecutives years already! yeah! LOL. 3 stars plaque! haha. Well anyway, the event was alright. haha..as expected, no best captain award. and sad thing was no best team award for us. haiz..after that we went to UK funfair at woodlands there, I was dying to ride the ferris wheel. so excited manz..but then I saw the sky-rider!! arghhh!! I wanna sit that...arghh! LOL. but too bad, I wore skirt so cannot le...haiz..i miss the sports tour when we went to genting, we took a total of 8 rides. some ppl almost vomitted. hahaha..stupid. I really like the sky ride. so thrilling. too bad, got to make a do with ferris wheel. no choice. stupid skirt. maybe next time then go and try the sky ride. lol. I came back home and told ah dar abt the ferris wheel thingy. he almost turn me upside down, not cos he dun let me play, it's cos i played with my vball guys frens. and i told him got gal. sihui was there. he still doesnt want to trust me about having guys around. i dunno why he reacted so badly abt me spending such times like that with guys. just bcos im too 'hao wan' doesnt mean i behave flirtatuously with my these groups of frens. Yes. i know im playful. I play like kids. They are my frens, the close frens i have. bcos we are from a sport team, our relationships were all built from our spirits of unity and stupidity. since sometimes im kinda tomboy, so i could just hang out with guys. but when i have ah dar i know my limits ah..i did not ever go out one on one or one whole group with only guys already. I have kept my distance further already until i was seen like a person who care for bf only and no longer frens anymore.. but i will also prioritise my duty as a gf and frens ah. Im wanna have a balanced life. ah dar always says that i never played enough, what does he mean? play with life? or play with guys? i doubt i enjoy being a slut. lol. i assured him before about my commitment in the relationship. im doing wat my conscience lead me to. if he continue to doubt me, he obviously doesnt trust my conscience. i will not tolerate this thing. im not threatening this kind of thing, but in a relationship, we've got to trust each other for who WE ARE. dont look back into the past and think that the current situation would be the same as before. i know that ah dar was hurt b4, of cos im not gonna repeat that kind of thing to him, it was too harsh and hurtful. only a bitch would do such thing. i dun believe i love doing that. im a person who detest living in guilt. guilt and pride are very impt to me. i wont be just any stupid human who only follows what the heart brings u, to love somebody else and forsake ur own, cos u find him better than urs. does that feel great? i doubt so. for some gals out there. maybe yes. cos u are never satisfied. i admit that im a person who is contented easily, a lot of ppl do think likewise.

well..stop making things draggy here...time will tell..but one's must really live to see the reality. grow up and understand why everyone has different thinking.

i just hope that he can trust me.

A welcome back to blog again

2007-05-06T15:17:00.000+08:00

Welcome me back again:)

hmm...it had been a really long time since i last updated my entries. It has been dead all these whiles. haiz.. im sick of boredom now. super sick. staying at home and rot. Just a little, or so-called a big update here, I patched back my exbf. That is ah dar. A long story to say why. Maybe next time I shall then talk about it bahx...im so bored to the extent that I have to come back from my used-to-be busy life and now landed in a nothing-to-do life. I havent got a job. such a loser. haha. damn loser. and lousy. There are reasons why la. Luck, heck care attitude and timing and my status, as a thai. so hard to find a job. under a condition that im waiting for my application results of the universities. haiz...and getting a PR. my life's in a mess now. gotta wait and see whatever outcome come into my way, and then I can make the decisions. i pray i can get into Nus. Ntu rejected me. *sadded* but nvm, i told myself not to give up. i can appeal for a place. Nus and smu have not given me any news. haiz. sianz. but whatever it is, i will still look for alternatives in leading my life. my aim of life is of cos, being a successful career woman, before settling down. I gotta be optimistic about what I wanna do. once a fall, shouldnt be a second fall, nor the third. i should have gotten enough of it.

hey my friends, do you find it hard to communicate with me? Do i have communication breakdown? But why does it happen with me and my bf? he always scolded me for not being able to hear me well, and whatever i said has no link and i speak too fast...arghhh..im so tired of it. I dunno what else to do. yea, i know that i have to improve in my articulation and think before i speak. of cos i will try to improve that. I cannot promise that I can do it, cos i sometimes may have forgotten it, and even be still talking like that without realising that u couldn't understand me. I cannot promise bcos i am actually silently trying, it's not that i don't wanna try. I don't wanna give empty promises, so I don't wanna say that I from now on wont talk like that. I know my english not that good..please be patient with me a bit. Im scared i will have a hard time switching my pace of talking. So my promise is underhand till i have made it, and wait till you realise it. A quarrel a day really makes my day horrible throughout the whole day. haiz..sianz...

2006-11-21T23:45:00.000+08:00

REFLECTION and aiming of life

hey blog.

im here again after some time...hmm...this 'wu ding' song really triggers my head. but well...im heading towards my dream and goal. i wont be indulging in my useless thoughts. I just made myself think of them. cos i like to think. i enjoy it. i want to smile to myself when i think. but i failed to consider this thinking would sway my thoughts and made me into wild thinking. Thus, hurting myself, making myself down and inferior, making me feel worst and making life messy.

Therefore now, I am somehow letting it go slowly. Suddenly I dont want to think so much already. I kept myself occupied. I feel as though as I changed again after another relationship. This time round as a whole, not for relationship alone, as in not affecting relationship, in which what changes they are I am applying it to the environment now.

I am beginning to see reality more now. I dont care much about what people really think and dont really care about being the insignificant. I have whom I trust and love which is enough. I dont want to bother to please others who dont treasure me. I should be more than happy that I have friends and family whom care for me. I used to do that a lot to many people. I dont reject favours from people and always be around for people. Are those pisces personalities for real? Like, I am a person with empathy for the surrounding people. Sometimes I wonder whether I can do it? Why am I always wanting to help people to the extend that I forsake my close ones?

Maybe I do not know how to manage life properly?

well..overall, I shall not conclude anything from them because I am still learning and finding out. I started to like my life now. I started to feel my life is going to be wonderful soon. I dont know why I feel that way. I feel as though I am lighter a lot. There's things I am settling with now. Like my school work...trying to study very hard for tests, trying to get good grades in class, being confident in talking and presentation. Just submitted my PP proposal and was approved already. Got to start doing report soon. Going to finish my CE points already. Left 4 more active points to go! and yeah! i will be done with it. FYP still on progress. Aiming for satisfying GPA so that I can go to a University, aiming for NUS, Arts and Social Science in which I think would be easier and a switch of interest now. wanna get a degree of Honour if possible. I wanna be a Career and independent woman of the 21st century!!!! woahahahohoho!!!

Im sooo motivated to study now. I want to go UNI to achieve my dreams. I miss lecture lifestyle. haha.. thinking in terms of finance, i told my sis that I want to study...and talked to my sis about it..the school fees for one sem is $3,500 like that..in which i thought it was $6000 plus. scared me. well...should be okie bahx..she said should be okie to support, but den I was thinking, this time i wouldnt want to be a burden financially le. I WILL loan that amount of money for the 3 or 4years course to study. Till i graduated, I will work and pay back on monthly basis to them. In this way, I would feel better and not to let them down. I dont want to feel supported till i took it for granted. It must come from my hardwork so that I will do my very best. One thing is thought was, giving my sis and brother in law monthly 'allowance' like that. wahahaha!!! but she said that, from the way I am spending money now, she doubts that I would ever have the chance to pay them back. haha..from this, I know that they would never expect anything in return. All they want is....blah blah...i know what they are le..hahaha...well..i will just do my job as a "student" and make them proud. LOL.

Wooohhh~~ I want to have good grades and further my studies and get high paying jobs.[dreams]

*sign off with motivation spirits*

2006-11-08T13:38:00.000+08:00

TYPE B

You are a more active person, drawing a clear line between happiness and unhappiness. You are more quick-tempered. If you encounter things you like, you will do it without second thought. But once you encounter things that you hate, you will wish to get out of it as soon as possible. As you are a person of your own views, the friends you tend to have will be of the same pattern. But once good friends, you will understand them a lot and go all the way to help then. Friends are very dependent on you. As you are too emotional, you may make a storm out of a teacup with your friends. You must learn to do things in order and not give up easily. You can try making friends with those you don't think you can get along with, don't stick with the same category. This will make you more popular and charming.

2006-11-07T23:03:00.000+08:00

Something to say.

yesterday he called me...my heart leap. i should be happy and pick it up right? cos i have been somehow expecting it always...but errr no....haiz....i did not pick up the phone for fearing i would have to face the same thing again. for fearing to make him agitated again. he just scolded for for wishing him a birthday. oh my...im so disappointed and do not know what to say le. that's how my life is. i have to accept whatever things come....i rather not answer the call anymore as i do not want to move forward with him since things came to this extent. so it should just end then. i should let him forget me and not being reminded of me. no point turning back...unless...unless..miracle happens. but i doubt so. nobody would wait for miracles. only in fairytales. haiz..
i do actually hope to see his caller ID and sms appearing on my phone, but yet i do not want to do that. it should not happen right? cos it was my silly decision. when i see his name on my phone, i just somehow feel really really weird. uncomfortable, silently missing him. please..i do not want to cry now. all i can write in the blog is all these. cos i feel best to write it. i can no longer have the feeling to tell ppl about all these feelings i have now. i feel really really a disgrace and tired to share with ppl my silliness. my silly feelings of indulgence into love.

ppl always have been telling me, no use to keep loving him cos all he will do in future is to scold u vulgarites like he did again. he would never change. saying i deserve better guys out there. that i shouldn't give up thousands of guys out there just for him. a hot temper guy would never meant for me. and i dun deserve to be treated this way. it's heart aching to see me being treated like that and etc.... nobody wants to support me. im lost. what i should trust? What can i say? it sounds so bad to let ppl say him until like that. im not really feeling like that cos i know him best. yet i agree to a certain extent. bcos of my swaying decision, i decided to give it a go. rather than making him suffer more in future when i fully know what i want. perhaps right now its not the time for me to think so far. it ended just like that. cos of the way he hurt me. the way he talked to me. im exhausted. i just could no longer take it cos i have weak mentality. im very prone to criticism.

the fault lies with me that i never trust him and let him go.
that i never give him the chance to fully change.
i gave him too little time.
i should have known he could not do it immediately.
i did not give him chance to recover from his distress.
i straightaway push him into the corner.
i let his love down.
i misjudged his sincerity.
im not patient enough to wait.
i want freedom and independence.

what i think i have to consider...
he is always hot temper.
always making things difficult for me when quarrel.
im so tired, till i wanna drop dead and give up.
that made me really felt tied down.
im not suitable for that kind of life.
all my life, i have never quarrel with anyone to this extent.
i felt pressurized.
somehow...he scolded me vulgarities which nobody accept.
im so protected by them.
the way he treated me like that so far made everyone detest him.
i landed him in this situation cos of my big mouth?
now i could no longer find flaws in him. where has it gone to?
i considered many factors before making my decision already.
yet now, why? lol. hopefully i wont regret.
maybe all i need is time.
well...sometimes i feel i cannot suit him.

or he dun suit me?

i dunno
i cant satisfy his expectations.
i dun understand his unreasonable and hot temper mistreatment to me.
it sound contradicting bcos of this.
he dont understand what i want.
he cant read me after i made things clear over again and again.
he doesn't want to listen to my utmost explanation.
everything was like excuses to him.
i hate to hear him telling me to stop, forget it.
forget it means....? sighs.

he doesnt like me to argue.

when i dun means i dun have the right to say anything?

if im obediently listen to everything, im as good as a log.

will a log be boring to you?

haiz..forget it...

2006-11-07T01:17:00.000+08:00

PISCES BABY

2006-11-07T01:13:00.000+08:00

Pisces Personality

Like its symbol of two fish swimming in opposite directions, Pisceans are always torn between choices whether to seek the light or sink into the darkness. Being well liked for their kind and sympathetic nature, their charm of manner and carefree nature will impress many. You are compassionate, and unless pushed to the wall, will rarely hurt anyone. A Piscean can be very caustic but the sarcasm is not always direct and generally goes unnoticed. However, this can land you in a spot every once in a while. You find it difficult to conform and follow rules or to cope with discipline. When the going gets really rough, the Piscean may try to flee down river and hide amongst the vast schools of fish swimming lazily around. The very weak-willed among you are likely to indulge in alcohol and drugs to escape. Alternatively, you might be able to pour out your emotions in creative arts. You put your emotions in poetry or short verse but seldom open up to those around you on a personal basis. Although you might be impractical and somewhat uneasy with the real world, you are brave and prefer a lot of independence. Pisceans like to delve in spiritual matters and lots of you are fascinated by the occult. Maybe because many fish are psychic or their dreams can be strange and portential. Remember one thing: you are the culmination of all that has gone before, whilst Aries is the birth of the zodiac, Pisces the twelfth sign is death and eternity, you are the distillation of all the other signs.

Pisces Lover

In the world of romance, you crave fairytales, being more in love with the idea of love than being in love itself. Though you are strongly attracted to good looks, your attention will completely fizzle out if your partner is not intelligent; you may just simply lose interest once you have been able to "secure" the object of your desire. For some, the pursuit is sometimes more fun than the end result. Those born under Scorpio, Cancer, and Pisces make ideal partners for Pisces. Pisceans can be unnecessarily suspicious and jealous, and this might cause a lot of heartache. Although you will expect a perfect marriage, your unpredictable moods will be the reason for some tension at times. The most important ingredient you bring to a relationship is love. You are gentle, sensitive, and a romantic through and through, valuing fidelity in a marriage and will be kind and affectionate to your spouse and children. Though you let your partner take on a dominant role in public, you like to rule at home. As you long for love, it is essential that you establish a loving relationship with your family.

Pisces Professional

Pisceans will do well in performing arts, especially the theatre. In science, Pisceans tend to work in the fields of either physics or medicine. They will also do well in ocean-based occupations or working with animals. Pisceans normally have talents that will get them money and fame. The streak of independence in you rarely allows you to be dependent on others. You will be ready to help the needy, having no consideration for a rainy day, even if you are not sure that it will be returned. You hate to chase money owed, hoping that it will be returned voluntarily. You are often distracted when bored, which tends to affect your work adversely. You need to be focused and inspired to give your best.

Pisces Traveller

You love water and would head straight for some beach resort. Perhaps scuba diving and water skiing on holiday is your dream holiday; though splashing around on the beach is your idea of fun too. You are generally very emotional and romantic so would love to holiday with your partner.

Pisces Well Being

Pisces people have slow metabolisms, which is why they wake up sleepy eyed and listless, poor eating habits can bring troubles so try to set regimes and stick to them, Pisceans lungs are not strong, they can be a bit asthematic and are also prone to colds and flu bugs. Those of you living in cold climates should take adequate protection against the cold (keep your head, hands and neck covered). Those living in warmer climes should take special care of personal hygiene. Most of you are less than average in height, with large or small hands, big feet or little feet there are generaly no in betweens. You have a tendency to put on weight, unless you make special efforts to fight it off. A double chin is common among Pisceans and a good number among you have large eyes and a wide mouth. Ankles and feet are the vulnerable areas of Pisceans. Some also suffer from liver and digestive afflictions and varicose veins. Painting, listening to music, reading and dance can help calm your nerves. Swimming is a good form of exercise as well as relaxation for you. Pisceans are often good at martial arts as they have the necessary inner strength, try some Tai Chi first thing in the morning to put life in perspective for the rest of the day.

Pisces Luck

Warm colours like red, yellow and orange are lucky for Pisces. Your lucky stone is amethyst, whereas Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday are favorable days. Wednesday and Friday do not prove to be good for people under this zodiac sign. Neptune is your ruler and your element is water (WATER Water people are never petty. They are clever and plan well ahead. But they often tend to be timid. The element Water is represented by blue or black. Water shapes include gentle undulations like waves in a river. A water house has numerous bays, and like the ebb and flow of water, experiences regular change in fortunes)

Pisces Teens

The best shoulder to cry on -- that's the Pisces girl for you. Compassion and sympathy are the hallmarks of this girl and don't be surprised if she ends up in the profession of social welfare. Since much of her time will be taken up relieving others' worries, she will hardly find time to pamper her personal self. Comfortable in second-hand clothes, she'll be happy in whatever makes her feel comfortable. The Pisces lass has a dreamy disposition and loses track when she wanders. She is invariably late for appointments. The best institution suited for her will be, preferably, a small liberal arts college. Always willing to help a friend, the inner beauty of a Pisces lady lies in her creativity and powers of empathy.

Kind and compassionate, a Piscean lad generally goes out of his way to help others. He never intentionally hurt others and seeks to avoid confrontation at all costs. He spends much of his time in the cocoon of his private dream world. He is absent minded at times. He sees the world through rose tinted glasses, he walks around with his head in the clouds. He is generally a loner and often has to be drawn into the company of friends. By and large, he is very selective about his friends. He often lacks in determination and this may account for his not realising his potential. He is an impressionable person who could get into wrong company that might have potentially disastrous consequences. If he can be motivated to work hard, there is very little he cannot achieve.

2006-11-07T00:42:00.000+08:00

Skipped school. feelings of ???

Today i had the nerve of 'pon-ing' school. haiz..lol. reminded lena not to be late, and there she went again. which made me really pissed off. well..anyway...she asked whether wanna 'pon' together? haha..i liked the idea cos i really dread today's elective module. so stress under that strict faci. she made me go mad. cos i dun usually talk in her class cos i have no one i really know. they are all the SAS students. oh my god, they are all english spoken ones. speak until so 'ah-mo' educated. shoot a lot of questions during presentation which made me so stress. i can die in this kind of class manz...so here, means im from a slacker engineering class. lol~ anyway, stop it here. my day so bad le and late le, might as well go along with the idea of 'pon-ing'. haiz..we called up shiwen as well..she's so 'onz'..and of cos she tagged along. yeah. hehe... suddenly i feel so bored abt writing detailed stuff in whatever i do now. i rather say what i feel now. next time when im bored then i write more detailed stuff bahx.

right now, the urge to feel what my head and heart are telling me to pour it down. only during this time. if i continue to write everyday, i would cry manz..

i hide my tears within.
im faking to let go.yet i havent.
time is all i need?
am i sure?
or do i need assurance?
i cant cry now cos i have to go school tml's morning.
yet i cannot control. i have to limit myself. sighs..
do u know that it really feel horrible to be such a cruel person?
do u know that im a soft hearted person thats why i felt really lost?
i cant fake it all. my heart feels pain
the pretense is hurting me.
i have to pretend not to hurt the others around me.but i know i hurt you
what you want is me loving you
but i could not give you
that made me really cold blooded
i chose to give u up cos of my own reasons

something to ask myself...why am i not getting over for someone whom i think wouldn't suit me or wouldn't be mine?
i wanna learn to let go with an ease.
please hate me. but im with guilt. im faking to accept. but i hate to hear u say u hate me.
at the same time i think it would be better for u if u hate me to let go. i will condon to it.

peace off :)

2006-11-06T00:25:00.000+08:00

so empty..i brought it upon myself well..im back to blog again...
haiz..lotsa things happened..i don't know what to do now...im so lost...sometimes i just feel like crying over what had happened. i selfishly lost him. i chose to lose him. why? i duno why. i hurt him. i caused his life in a mess and miseries. i selfishly harmed him that way. writing all these really made me wanna cry. but i gotta stop. hao bu rong yi trying to let go. and furthermore, if i cry now, what would become of my eyes tmr.
hao bu rong yi trying to let go mah? no..its definitely very difficult. all i could do is trying to be occupied with things this period. somehow my blog has this 'wu ding' song, which makes me listen to it again and again. that's what reminds me of him..it keeps repeating the times we had together before... the best time to blog is at this time..late at night, that's when i feel the emptiness... this is the time when i feel emotionally weak...and when im happy i feel extremely high...as for now... my tears will easily fall from my eyes to my cheeks.. but i do not want it now. it over. it should be over by now. i should not be brooding over it liao. i had enough le. =sobz=
i shall just let it go. im so sorry.

2006-10-13T23:06:00.000+08:00

sighsss..helppppp..im lost....

i went out with my frens...had dinner and played pool. just wanna keep myself pre-occupied. suddenly....i cried again! i started tearing when i played. just as when the sad songs being played in kpool. i had to urge to go ktv. soon bahx..den i wanna cry my heart's out. sing all my feelings out...arghh...*sob sob*..talking about it..im feeling my eyes watering again...oh my god..help me..my throat and chest are feeling choaked. like i said..i never felt this way before...im often noticed by my frens to be in dazed. staring at space and said nothing. please...help me to be pre-occupied so that I wouldn't think so much...i feel so dumb...love him so much still yet afterall, i had made my decision. i find it hard to get back to him after i hurt him so much. and lastly, the words he used on me in the fit of anger really bothered me....he has no right to say that on me...even in the fit of anger..where's the basic respect for the gf. my sis would never forgive him saying that on me...anyway..that's not the main reason why i choose to leave him..there are many factors. haiz..im overly tired..yet...i feel so pain. so hurts. so real. so devastating. so unbelievable that i thought i could move on easily. but no..why? so that means im not toying with you...and hope you understand. i have to make myself cruel in front of him...saying im fine.etc...im all faking it...faking it...arghh...im horrible... feeling horrible and miserable...why must be so cruel? what happened to me?

arghhh..whatever darn it!! im sick!

2006-10-13T13:43:00.000+08:00

Dont wanna try ************************************************************************

they hurt so bad that they ended our relationship
i cant believe it ..4 years go down the drain
oh how i wish things would of happened so differently
i tried to save it so many times but you still couldnt see
u kept insistin and resistin that u would not fall again
and now u tryin to tell me that ur sorry
and ur tryin to come back home
ur tellin me u really need me crying beggin both knees are on the floor
but baby i
dont wanna try dont wanna try dont wanna try no more
u keep insisting when u know our love is out the door
dont wanna try dont wanna try cuz all we do is fight and say the things
i hurt u bad to when we both begin to cry
dont wanna try dont wanna try i bout just had enough its been a rough road
baby just let it go
dont wanna try dont wanna try dont wanna try no more
tell me whats the use of holdin on when all we do is hurt our love
u and i had many conversations on the telephone
talks about one day we having a place of our own
wake up in the morning and have breakfast ready on the table
but all of that just seems so far away from me
had to wake up face reality
it all just seem to good to be true after all you put me through
and now u tryin to tell me that ur sorry
and u tryin to come back home
u tellin me that u really need me crying beggin both knees are on the floor
but baby i
dont wanna try dont wanna try dont wanna try no more
u keep insisting when u know our love is out the door
dont wanna try dont wanna try cuz all we do is fight and say the things
i hurt u bad to when we both begin to cry
dont wanna try dont wanna try i bout just had enough its been a rough road
baby just let it go
dont wanna try dont wanna try dont wanna try no more
tell me whats the use of holdin on when all we do is hurt our love
(dont wanna try dont wanna try)
(dont wanna try no more)
(dont wanna try dont wanna try..oo)
(dont wanna try dont wanna try)
(dont wanna try no more)
(dont wanna try dont wanna try dont wanna try no more ooo)

***********************************************************************************

2006-10-12T22:37:00.000+08:00

hi bloggy, i miss you..
not long ago...entries of love overpowering...now wat...?

im feeling so miserable now...i thought I could be happy after the breakup, but no...i don't know how i feel now...i still miss him..miss him more than i was with him...should say more than expected...i guess i realised that i do love him a lot..but i have to give up due to some reasons...i feel guilty and bad to hurt him this way...i guess i dragged on this relationship too long till i cant bear to leave him even though how much he hurt me. the dragging part had already put him in my heart more and more already. im now feeling lost and soft hearted...but i don't want to show that im soft hearted anymore...let this cruel decision be here and wont hurt him again...im feeling pain now...i thought i could release my burden, but...arghhh...i feel like crying...

was crying throughout my bath just now...i have never felt this way..never felt this chest pain before..never heard myself saying "wo de xin hao tong ah". really felt the chest is so heavy....clenching on my chest and cried.until i felt like vomitting...it feelssss so horrible...why is love so powerful...i love him so much, yet i still choose to give him up. why? now i cant find the reasons. previously, i was confident of my decision...but now..sighs..i feel like dying...but i have to tell myself to be strong..no matter what cannot show him how i feel, otherwise, i would lose my sense again and hurt him again and again...and myself getting more xinku and xinku.

forget it..im tired...

leave me to die...

2006-09-25T22:42:00.000+08:00

im boredddddddddddddddd~~~~~~~~~~

have been watching shows...have been playing games until butt's feeling ache. supposed to be guiding my nephews to study, but they were watching TV first...so gotta wait a while before they come to settle down to study....sighs..sianz-ed...

talking about myself...irritated with myself at times..so lazy..freaking no discipline...stupid gal...etc...lol. =p

feeling so dumb....

i wonder..i wonder...i think..i think...

what's with me..?

LOL. im crazy. lose my sense le.

signing off...

2006-09-20T23:29:00.000+08:00

Don't know what to do

felt like writing in the blog...what should i do now? first day of school tml...volleyball training after school...friday school too...and how about tml? what should i do better? go or not go? feel like being there for him yet im stucked in between volleyball training, teaching and etc...fan si le...mei yong de wo...zhen de mei yong...missed training and sentosa trip on tuesday for his sake le, and im willing to do so without minding....but shall i miss another training tml? im in deep shit this time...but if i miss tml, den i must be home early to teach..so cant be there...what the hell...im sooo 'fan'..
but lucky thing is that my bro in law is leaving for Indonesia again on friday...i sounded so bad....yet i do miss his presence somehow...

already was lousy in the principle of being a good and caring gf, and now time for me to show extra concern...im as lost as being crazy...I wondered as a gf, whether it was okie for him if i weren't there everyday.....Were the first few days enough and alright to do so? I hope it helped...but the next few days...im feeling guilty towards it...a feeling that i could no longer make it...Im willing to make sacrifices to be there for him...but sacrifices for this period really has limitations due to certain circumstances at home..and other stuffs to do...before this happening, my plan was to accompany him everyday and miss my 2 trainings etc...but i have no power to do so....thus, i feel so useless and hopeless....i just wondered whether he still need me to be by his side right now even he said he don't mind..? it may be a 口是心非 thing. Or should i say would he mind and angry? 我不知道我为什么那么在乎他所生气的事。。我为什么那么在意呢？？ what's wrong with me? 是不是因为知道他的情况？可能是吧。。。 and i think more than meets the eye...

最后呢。。。我很想表示我很对不起你。。。什么都帮不上忙。。。可是我还是很爱你。。越来越深。。。所以我会感觉到很抱歉。。。

2006-09-19T00:52:00.000+08:00

Lost

Dear...

"can i do something for you? i really want you feel better this period...i know it couldn't be that easy to make someone feel better.... im clear on how you are supposed to be feeling now...it is inevitable...i will make things for you easier de okie? i promise not to make you angry..irritated and feeling worst okie? no matter what I will always wanna stand with you and make you feel better. i lacked the skills of consolences, just hope that my presence is enough to allow you go through this period...hope just being able to listen helps too...haiz...with all these, i just feel like any other ordinary friends giving concern...but i hope i could be more than just that...and do more than just that.."

I feel the tiredness in him..how i wish i could share his burden..to lighten his load...it seems so heavy....

behind those smiles he wears, i see sadness in his eyes.

behind those sadness, i see the effort in trying to smile.

behind those effort, i see the difficulties in doing so.

behind those difficulties, i see the strengths.

behind those strenths, tiredness befolds itself.

please dear...

life has to go on..no one controls destiny...hold urself up again...please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you. I am always here for you....love you loads. :)

2006-09-17T00:48:00.000+08:00

conclusion:

Think about it again..so much of my thoughts. now i realised i shouldn't be thinking it on my own. I broke my thoughts out to him and just to realise how much he tried to understand me...I really appreciates such thoughts and doings...I was afraid to say, yet i wanna say..hoping it would turn out right. and just as lucky that my words weren't taken as ridiculousness. thank goodness! hehe...I dared not bring it out initially was for fearing he might get furious at such a trival matter like that...simply to put it as..why am i being such a spike when things aren't right for him...mum comes first...initially i gave up telling on about this matter for fearing that it would add on more stress for him.
happy ending~ lol. i appreciate so much about what he assured me...and hope it goes on being sweet like this. hehe...glad that i poured it out, otherwise i would still be wondering and thinking about it...and bothering me. thanks dear. :)

```i love you.

2006-09-15T17:56:00.000+08:00

feeling really weird :(

i dont know what the hell is happening to me these days. feeling awkward. \: aimlessly thinking of things. yet no conclusion for myself. it seems so boring..be it in anything..when not meeting up with bf, was thinking of 'jio-ing' ppl to chill with me..but think about it again..do i have the money to spend for fun? not working currently. no job. out of cash. what the hell..all i can do is saving up bit by, using a little if possible...i bet if i have lotsa money now, i would go and shop till i drop ah. haha...

there's definitely things bothering me now..volleyball stuff. some emotional stuff. and relationship..in a way? haiz..i dunno whether im being sensitive or what. but definitely my instinct is very strong to feel so. somehow i feel he feels the same way too. but perhaps neither of us mention anything...it seems so boring on certain days...felt rather distant. maybe im expecting too much in return...perhaps i think he's stress on things in his side. and i felt damn helpless to do anything for him..hope everything will go fine..hope that everything is as sweet as before...trying to understand the situations yet i felt out of the way. overall, i dunno what i have been feeling. thus, i don't want to talk about it to anybody.anyway, it's just a part of my feeling that's all..my main concern is that, is relationship sooner or later turning out of the honey moon period? i just pray that it's just something not true, maybe i think too much. just forget it. right here...haa~

when i love so much, i expect so much.
when i expect so much, im greedy and selfish
but when i want to understand, i let my expectation lose.
losing my expectation makes me look at love insignificantly.
so what is love? how shall i understand what it can do?
how do i do both at the same time? either one lesser or more.

no no..my expectation is still the same.
but it seems i dun see the same expectation.
is this being too sensitive?
is this what a gal wants?
for me, i would jolly well be contented with the same care and concerns from the beginning.
i dun want changes.
i dun mind changing for the better.
but not the worst.

for now i rather not think too far for i might fall into too high hope.

be happy with the way it is now, for what you have.
but only afraid to see it worsen, resulting in more disappointment.
the more disappointment i may have, the more i would be seen as being a changed person.
as in why am i being such an unreasonable brat?

sighsssssss.........................i give up having high hope. these are too minor stuff to be notice by guys. it may seem ridiculous for them...or i might be seen as seeking the slightest attention.( isn't want all gals want?) lol. or even, i might be seen as looking for trouble...

well..just forget it. :)

Back to blog again!

2006-09-14T15:51:00.000+08:00

Updates again after a soooo freaking long time
let me see...glancing thru my previous entries really remind me of my past. how i managed to grow till today. another change in me again. haha..the sudden urge to blog again ever since this year's New Year. What the hell right? lol. So typical fickle minded me. haha...finally back to write during this period...after 1st of jan, and now it's 14th of september. oh gosh. super theeerrr...for fun, for boredom, for english improvement, for reflection, for easing pain, for sharing joy, for reliefs. well..whatever it is i love writing, er..to a certain extent.

this time round, im making it kinda personalised, creating a password for it. giving it to whom i desire.
alrights, im outta here...

`i believe i do grow matured` lol

2006-01-01T22:02:00.000+08:00

=HAPPY NEW YEAR 2006= yeahhhh!!!~~ im back to blog soon after that day!!! with a lively mood. why? cos i had said much wat i had to say already. so now im just trying to touch up my 'master' piece! lOls!~ like real. hmm..well..im excited yet not excited...about going back to school. don't know how to describe. btw, my 2 camps that i had mentioned had been cancelled. happy and not happy too. haha..cos i've got too many things to settle when i get back to school. like, my UTs first of all. work, studies(gotta get back my momentum)...slowly, followed by my PP and FYP. had enough 'fan naO' over these stuffs ever since i got back from thailand. haiz~ well..the vball camp cancelled bcos things started to clash with the timing, and zhijun couldn't make it as well. so might as well not have the camp. i guess we have already been quite united in some ways. so we'll do without the team-building camp. okie...as for the OBS camp, im not sure, tze ing said it might take place during March..oh manz, my fault lah, for going back to thailand..hongchuan,xiao vincent and zhijun have to wait for me..and now don't know whether it will confirm be during March? perhaps they might cancel it for the whole year and wait till next year? hmms...what to say next? oh yah!!! yesterday i called my Assistant Manager (AM), gary, that i wanna book my work for next week, and so he told me to work tmr (monday)!! so soon manz!!! and i have to go book tmr, since he was busy to help me book. alrights...i guess im gonna tired myself out soon liao..and im sure to lose weights again. yeah! that's my goal!!! hohO! and tml gotta work at 7am till 3pm..then after that gotta go back to school for vball training at 5.30pm as usual . wahhh!!! i have never done that b4...hope i can survive throughout the day tmr..oh yah...i actually hate working at 7am..but kinda really no choice..cos i need to go and book plus no cash...and was thinking about how much time i have for working. i fear i may not have time..haven't been working for a month already..and i bet there are a lot of new staffs at hyatt too. and hmm...gotta to wake up really early tml, think as early as 5am..leave home by 5.30am, reach by 6.30am and start work at 7am..arghhhh!!! so early manz...and right now, i can't fall asleep cos im not used to sleeping early. haiz~ Okie..seems like i have nothing much to say already..hmm..one thing i realised, i guess i like blogging when i have nothing much to say. yah yah. i guess it's true. i rather crap in here when im bored. when i have to repeat myself here with a lot of recounts then im so..like..lazy? haha..yea, that's how i feel. i rather blog nonsensical stuffs. haha..like when i used to rot at home. hmm..but so far, i no longer have the time to rot at home already. much busier already. always busy and no time for frens ( whom i really wanna care for ) at times. at times i think wow! im so relieve when im not attached. holding my life now wouldn't be that easy if im tied down with a bf. really i mean it. even though i may sometimes envy couples on the streets. but think about life now..i bet some would even regret it if life was a waste once due to your foolish acts.well..anyway, love is blind, isn't it? haha..okie...back to where i was saying..yups...sometimes i feel i have no time for family too. see, like...when you are always away from home, and seldom see your family, it seems distant. and once u settle to rest at home it feels so good that i wanna have more time at home. but when you are too stuck at home, you felt no freedom and jailed in the house and rots, rots and roTs! haha.i've got these feelings when im so busy with my own life. hmmms..no time to even help out in the housework, but when you have too much time for housework then you felt bored to stay at home. arghhh!!~ so pissed off sometimes. well...balanced lifestyle is the best. i can foresee how im gonna spend my life this year le. oh btw!!! i forgot to mention that today is the FIRST of JAN of 2006!!!! HAPPY NEW YEAR !!!!!~~~ seee!! time really flies!haizz..yi zhuan yan yi nian jiu guo le. wow!! okie..this year..i have not really set any new year resolutions. but i just have overall view of life, how to move on and etc...as for the reachable goals, i guess i'll set as time go by. slowly....haha. hopefully time don't pass so fast for me please!! i need more time!! firstly i aim to be neat in my organisation. haha. from then i can actually manage my time for everything i wanna do. i hate it when im just wasting time away. but i always did that. what a discipline. argh~okie!! im gonna adjust it!!! haha.. Okie..right now..do i have nonsense to add? writing off my mind at this moment, or any crap just flow out of my mind do me fun rather than laziness. hahaha...okie lah..since nothing else already, then im gonna say byebye here...so..don't know when can i update again..school's reopening le..okie phloy!!! jia you! and move on to achieve your goals!! haha..is this the way im being mad? like talking to myself? haha okie okie...im being mad..suddenly just reminds me of my even childish side some time ago. oh gosh! i realised how foolish i was last time. the kiddy me just got me detested. haha..have i grown?! duh!! wat a question. okie..BYEBYE!!!~

too many to say

2005-12-27T00:14:00.000+08:00

too many to say. yet i say okie..im back once again. just have the urge to update..though im a little lazy. hmm..where shall i start from? well..im just back from thailand on the 21st..yesh..can say that the trip was alright bahx. basically im just staying in my hometown most of the time..haiz..can say quite boring bahx.maybe not boring part is eating lah..hahahha!! hmm... and yea..finally i got to explore other parts of thailand this time...and explored where? temples!!! temples after temples..im so sick actually, yet i dared not complain..sure i would be scolded like hell. and oh, maybe the fun thing abt the tour part is seeing mountains, mekong river and caves bahx...tell you this fact, mekong river is damn long lor...it seems to be endless. and yea, we went on a tour in a van for 3 nights and 4 days..and oh, i suddenly felt so lazy to go on writing now...haiz..but just wanna complete my brief story of the trip. den secondly, arghhhh...so lazy to continue...maybe now i dun have the habit to write blogs liao..urghhh!!~~ okie..i'll continue tomorrow...actually the main purpose of this entry is to write some reflections and feelings i faced recently. so that why im so lazy writing abt thailand's trip. although i was sooooooo excited abt the trip initially. okie im back now....*next day already* okie..now im comfortably on my bed blogging. hehe~hmm..so there's not much about my thailand's trip. and oh! im sooooo pissed when i was told that we will be staying in bangkok for onE day!!! at first it was 2 days! and that im already not happy. you tell me now it's one day! that almost made me wanna cry! haha. sighs..well..i cannot make the decision. actually i wanna go back to bangkok stay with my fav. nieces whom i love so much since they were babies. and they love me so too. i simply love them! haha..and in bangkok i wanna shop as well...furthermore, i promised my frens to get them some stuffs and all these really made me worry since i went back for soooo long and came back empty hand? and even now, felt kinda bad, havent really bought some stuffs for ppl that i wanna give. sighs. well..i just hope in the future i go back myself!! and yes. they allowed me, but not to my hometown but just till the airport...ohhh for heaven sake, im turning 20 soon. i couldn't be that dependent. and they feared ppl will just harm me, or got robbed or something. so im not allowed to travel alone like...overnight? those long journey bus or coach thingy. i guess i can only travel by the safest way and the fastest way. which is transit from bangkok's airport to my hometown's airport then take a short journey bus. haiz...so mafan..well..i'll just see how...planning to go back when i manage to save up enough. i guess i need a few hundreds. hmm...and now one thing, im drying up. haha..no money le..spent to much b4 going back to thailand..even though really spent a lot of time working to earn the money b4 i went back. and now i think i really owed myself too much liao. i need to return back the money into my bank to get the original amount. haizz...dunno how long will that take ya? and since now my busy days coming ahead le.looked through my list of programmes for the next 3 weeks already..and i have lots to do. like 2 camps, one vball camp and the other is the OBS camp (for leaders?) which i heard it is very fun. besides these, im having UTs on the first few weeks next year!! arghh!!!! then how am i gonna work???? oh manz.think more about it..i seemed to have brain-blocked now..so long nv revise..esp. circuit analysis. i seemed to have learnt nothing out of it. haizz...err..cannot say nothing also lah...got a bit lah. haha. and oh! think deeper, haven't even started on my PP yet. and the proposal deadline is during March! i bet discussions about FYP coming soon? haizzzz...im sooooo fan zao!!! fan fan!! so many things gonna come on my way. and most importantly, i will have no time to earn money.....haizz...i should have started working earlier manz..this is like too late...haha...hmm..okie..im thinking how to manage stuffs when school reopens. that's all have to do with my discipline!! have limits to my attitudes!!!!! hmmpfff!! yea. try that gal. :p okie next item on the list i wanna say. well..what? just some reflections and thoughts perhaps? after the determination of my time management is done, now im thinking about the coming IVP. i would pray that everything will turn out right and most importantly, i don't want to face anymore injuries b4 the major events. that had happened previously previously already. sighs.. pray pray!! and lastly i'll have to bear the consequences of leaving the court for so long....so now bk is gonna torture me with all his might..to bring back my stamina which i have lost by eating!!! wahaha! that's stupid! hahaha..okie..i promised i will work really hard b4 the IVP...which will start on the 13th of jan. yups..i really feel the urge to play well and motivated. come on gals.....we'll do it!! okie im done for now..have been writing too much..im trieddddd =signing off=

long time no blog le

2005-11-05T13:43:00.000+08:00

=BACK TO BLOG= it has been a deadful 2 mths since I last blogged. =sighs= so bored now. cancelled my work today cos my thumb hurts. injured it again during the last training. was alright all along ever since like a year ago? judging from the condition, i think it wasn't so bad. kinda minor one i guess. well..have been working in grand hyatt for the past 2 mths already. Overall, it was alright. it's easy to work if you really know how to interact with the people and be alert enough. I guess i might have been learning parts of life experiences from here. realised it was unlike of me to be who i am today and 'centuries' ago. duh! i mean i dare to take the challenge now and walk thru' my way. though i may have the fear and nervousness somewhere, i do take that out and voice out my questions when im in doubts. guess i set my impressions in whatever i do. I took the responsilities in my own actions. Thus, overall, i guess i could survive rather well for the starting days of my work. im supposed to be learning stuffs on my own most of the time unlike the situations now where there are many new staffs coming in...they were being taught and blah blah...so unfair...bleahz*haha..

right now, im feeling somewhere rather light and satisfied with my life. firstly, i feel the independence i have plus on how i managed to survive on my own without taking a cent from my sis over the past 2 mths when i started working. im proud of myself even though i don't have much savings due to this. secondly, the feeling of having this kind of freedom. yes. i may call this freedom bcos i have it for my own survival. the more i work, the less time to spend going out. isn't this great? in some ways bahx. i know that. I spend about 3 times a week working when im free. so i can roughly say that my schedule for the week is always like this:

MON: vball training
TUES: work
WED: work/go out/booking for work
THURS: vball training
FRI: work
SAT: work
SUN: rest/ no sch next day den work

basically im packed the whole week. but overall im alright with it. hopefully it won't affect my studies. i may get tired but im trying to survive and be independent. im beginning to welcome the term 'independence' in my dictionary.

im getting less and less bothered about certain matters of heart. no distractions anywhere. maybe i would say im carrying myself out well now. im proud of myself! hoho! haha...i have confidence to move on happily on my own without having any distractions.

hmm..maybe it's time i should starting planning my future. it isn't safe to have no directions right? i want directions to lead me to the light. im no longer VERY young now. old~ gonna be 20 soon. that sounds old. oh manz. but young in heart :p huh!huh! oh well..ppl says i still look like 16 17? hahaha!! are you kidding?!? must keep that up yea?hmmmmmmmmmmmm........ haha. well..sometimes i feel that i tend to joke less now.maybe im getting more serious. duh?! and probably not easily entertained by cold jokes already?! haha...maybe im just thinking too much? or im too bored of these already?!haha..oh well...just see again as time goes by.

=arghhh= sometimes i just feel that singapore is sooooo boringgg...nothing to do...really! sometimes i wonder how couples on the street in orchard road hang out. like so sianz. maybe what we can do are watching movies and all that bahx. play pool . arcade . shopping. munching endless amount of food (^o`) etc.but where's the fun?

i guess we can try out other things. like what? im not sure either.

oh yea. one more thing. im looking forward to the last of this sch term. going back thailand immediately!!! yeah!! hahaha. (just for holiday. i'll be back!!)

>>>> counting down <<<<

2005-08-27T23:40:00.000+08:00

Well, firstly I started talking to my sis just only one week after our quarrel, really ONE week, where I told her that I wanna go to apply for job in SwissOtel Merchant Court. She then gave me something to keep in my wallet...like "fu"..some sort of Buddhists stuffs. hmm...talked a little bahx...den followed by a few days later alrite..but still today still not very close yet...hmm...i guess Im really petty this time...haha...can't believe I still can survive well...*hmmms!

My life wasn't so bad so far...i guess i don't really care what's going on much? hmms..what can i say now? just some thoughts about it...im kinda glad of the way i am leading my life now...just the starting of it i guess. oh well, Im taking up part-time job in HYATT hotel since I can't get from my the other classmate, so asked another classmate for help!! WOW!!woho! he really got me into banquet! wahaahaa!!! im was soooo excited about it! really really excited till everybody think I was mad! hahaha!!! but I had kept in mind the consequences already...so no matter what Im trying my very best to be self-disciplined and control my own life...hopefully I won't tired myself out. I really need some money now and Im having some sort of MENTALITY at this moment that had lead me to really bother to take it up, supporting myself and etc. This mentality really pushes me to do what I really want now. At the same time Im teaching myself some stuffs. Since I have come to realise something again. Therefore, I am ready to take up the challenge!! wahaha!!

For now, I may not be having a lot of time to blog already, unless if I really have the time and the mood. Well...first day of work was quite alright, serve drinks and clear dishes plus messes. Some more I hadn't any training in advanced. Right now still not very sure of the places there, like would get lost within the staff area itself! wahaha!! hmms...my arms are aching for the both sides now....so 'suan'...I can say that I was walking around non-stop to fill up drinks and attending to the guests. I don't know how many times I walked in and out of the kitchen to get stuffs and fill drinks for the guests. I was so busy till I never know what's really going on within the function except for the lucky draws stuffs. haha...Everybody was in haste...all were walking like gonna bang into each other, sometimes just collided, but luckily human's reflect was able to control it.haha...even me almost bang into people several time, but usually stop on time. well...yeah!!!hehe...for a first-timer me, I did it!!! and the leader praised me sia.. " very good ah."hehe...okie..enough of my experiences for the day. have to get back to work on wed and sun! yea. though a little blur, but will ask my friend to show me how to do things. okie well....so my next week schedule would be:

MON-Volleyball Training [home by 12am]
TUES- hopefully don't go out! cos no $ and want rest!
WED-WORK [6pm-11.30pm]
THURS-volleyball Training [home by 12am]
FRI-nil
SAT-nil
SUN-WORK [3pm-?]

hmm.....seems like I have 3 free days ah. what should I do with it? actually was hoping to work extra...haha...but well, the leader of the work place gave me this slot so i'll make a do with it bahx..may request next time.

im so tired right now....went to sentosa with rpvballers today. had a not-bad day bahx...

2005-08-20T18:42:00.000+08:00

After 2 entries of my "happenings", I just don't know what to say now, maybe i have some reflections over it? Yes, as expected i didn't talk to her as I had told myself. I choose not to. I sounded so petty. But im like that when i intended to be. I guess everything between us are happening in the fit of anger. No matter what, THOSE WORDS were hurtful. They bear some meanings to a person like me, even if they were being said to others as well. She knew me well too, and of cos she would know my reactions towards these. She did say these kind of words before, and which was quite long time ago. I didn't take it so seriously, cos i forgot them and believed that they are words of anger only. But this time it was HARSHER than expected. It so harsh that I would never expect some one who loves me would say such a thing that would actually crush my self-esteem, putting me my in 'not-important' position. It was so harsh that I thought of ending my life. but i don't believe in ending my life for such silly stuffs.Things like that had happened many times and now i decided to explode? or did I really explode accidentally? well..i didn't mean to be petty over such a small matter like this, I would believe that a lot of people out there would not think that im a petty person cos i am always the calm one and who don't lose temper easily, but look at my SITUATIONS now, wherever i may be, i feel i have faced with new happenings, and the environments had somehow made me change and im changing according to them too. Problems of life surface in my life, which maybe one of the reasons why im 'rebounding' to such ridiculious or small matters. They enhanced another form of my reactions and perhaps i had kept my 'potential' energy for too long? That's one of my characteristics. I do explode, and when i did that, people can't accept the fact but got angrier over my reactions. Perhaps that is why. Can i ask myself why do i have such a characteristic? hmmms...maybe i can make some assumptions of myself....i can say that i called myself happy-go-lucky person because i lead everyday happy and cheerful despite some 'downs' of my life. I wear smiles wherever i go....i lead carefree life.....i am positive about many things. I once said i had changed due to the influences by certain things in life....I think im learning the wisedom of life when things befall me.(hahahahaha!!!wisedom?) People rarely see me get angry or being sad. I don't have many 'downs' of my life, and i must say that i am like that to some extent.....i have really quick mood swing....from sad to happy....cos i only think about how to play happily and don't think about other things....yea..the carefree me...but right now I've got certain points to note....err...i'm not sure how i managed to have quick mood swing...it was surprising to me as well that im such a fickle-minded person in terms of mood as well....haha...i guess i just choose to forget them by being happy? At least it helps to me....and i realised i really forget them for the period.....hmmms...i was ignorant. maybe till now i still have that characteristic, but i was forced to get involved in things or bother with things under circumstances. i guess too much of my ignorances and carefree lifestyle in the past really made me to reflect over when problems start to surface. It will shows how i handle them....i guess i wasn't be able to handle them well bcos the past ignorant me haven't really grow up and experience them myself except for hearing people's experiences, but it doesn't help much cos that didn't happen to me...only can learn to symphatise with these situations....and now i know why some people can handle their life better than others. it maybe due to the different sections and time of their lives whereby they are forced to learn their lessons too. Some people may learn it later in their life which will create hardship in them for them to handle at a stage. And maybe those who experienced them earlier may mature and handle them better. The kids who sail their life too smooth for too long will find themselves wondering why they are so weak in the future when they go to work. I wanna get out of that sailing smoothly pathway too, cos i know i will grow stronger if i experience these myself. Though i wasn't happy about why must these things happened to me and why must heaven be so cruel towards me, but i think i should sort out my thinking and take this as a learning lesson. Besides i'm having many lessons now.....the easy and hard ones. Therefore, i guess right now i know what to do.....intention of these are just my goals, but i have to struggle through first before i can tell myself that i had already actually achieved it....it's not easy to achieve things from hard processes.....Furthermore, this is a life processes. oh manz...what have i been saying all these whiles? do i make sense? I guess i have lots more to say but i forgot them...should bring them out again when another chapters of life learning process surface, but next time round i hope that i have already been rather strong enough to face them with the right attitudes.

I would like to thank those who have been giving me advices and had been listening to me while im really on the down side or in the mist of my shattering state. Though i know some of you may be there for me, but i haven't really tell you what exactly are all these about, i hope you understand that i dun mean to keep it from you too. I just need some time to space out my thoughts as well..xiao de, i know you cared, but i couldn't find you at that timely moment. and sihui, thanks for the constant care you showed, hope u are alrite too, you are a strong gal.

Thanks you guys for listening cos I believe that they helped me a lot. It really get things off my chest and it felt much lighter. How nice you guys understand my situations go for this period and help move on with life. Think about it, if i were the past me, keeping everything to myself, perhaps I would have gotten depression, added to my own negative thinking and weak mentality.haha!So thanks a million.

2005-08-17T22:06:00.000+08:00

:(( tearing :(( why?! why?! am such a detestful person? now she wants me to go away! away! away! yes...pack up and go!!! :(( is it because of my rebellious attitudes that I gave now? i just 'exploded' and threw tandrum, that's my characteristic. she told me to PACK UP and GO!! she told to go and DIE!! she told me to JUMP down the building and DIE!!! she said I WASTED her money. she told me to leave and never will she bother to look for me. it will no longer be a burden for her. she won't feel 'xi han' anymore. she told me to go, and she wouldn't CARE even if i dun complete my studies. does she bear to do that to me? why are your words so HURTING??? why?!?!? if i couldn't cry over these words, den probably im an unfeeling human....they really put SALT into my WOUND...and just like a knife being STABBED into my heart. oh...if u really want me to go, i'll go.......!!! but the thing is where do I go??? who should i go to? how do i support myself? i work??? GO WHERE?!?! BACK HOME to thailand mah?!?! now i just really feel like packing up and RUN AWAY from home. oh my goodness, what should i do now...im UTTERLY UPSET....I haven't been quarrelling with her for so long already. whenever she's angry with me, she would use these THREATENING and HURTFUL words on me. im TERRIBLY UPSET. Please help me!!!!`i made her angry bcos i 'exploded' over a small matter. im fed up by things she does to me. or am i being cursed? actually for today just over a small TV matter and because she asked me to watch the kids studying and made sure they are not playing while studying.... while i was watching TV, just to keep an eye on them. but my sudden tots pissed me off. because of the way she phrased it. she always shouted at me when the kids aren't doing their work. and this doesn't happen when i dun watch TV. This is like curse and fate. why must you do this to me when i can watch TV since i hardly can watch TV, and when i finally got to watch Tv, I felt so relax all over. but the thing is, when this moment comes, it's would be followed by her reminding me repeatedly and unhappy attitudes towards me to "see" the kids study. oh come on, this has been going on a couple of times already and i felt weird why it was so..that's why i tot it was fated to happen. and today im super angry on it as it happens again...*exploded me* i just screamed back in pissing attitude and 'bu shuang' attitude. wOw! i was so rebellious...and can't believe it...what has gone through my mind?....i don't look like my old self. i was very obedient and never argue back before..but as time goes by im starting to have my own say. suddenly i felt so much with confidence and strength to fight for my rights. whenever i fought for my reasons, THERE!!! im being shoot back with threatens like this " you go away from this house lah, what gives you the right to throw tandrum here?" she screamed!!! and now im silenced....sighhss..i really wanna cry over these hurtful words. and of cos i did right now. if u really don't welcome me why on earth in the first place bring me here? i know why. yes. i know why. for my own good. and perhaps i know these are words of anger. in the fit of anger words right? {qi hua} but they were being said already. you can't take it back easily. im already wounded. and that will need some time for me to recover. though i can forgive and forget easily. but things like that it's harder though it happened many times. i wondered how i could continue my life like that.....i must say that this is the worst hurtful words i come across so far from her mouth. im still not numbed to it yet. oh please, im not a natural-borned thick-skinned person. but though im more thick-skinned now then b4. i have my own feelings too. Why am i having all these troubles now!?!?!!? why why!?!?!? what a life for this period? im facing some downs of my life......they are so hurtful for me to take.......................but i have got to take them....oh please....lots of things happened..it comes and goes. and i have to accept these reality. Problems after problems. the used-to-be -no-problem family is flooded with problems and which affected me. perhaps im too ignorant in the past, so now these small little things made such impacts on my life. yes. that might be the lessons i should learn. alrites, i need a break. i don wanna keep tearing like that day. until my eyes almost popped out. and i realised something, i teared last wednesday. exactly 1 week. and which affects my day in school and volleyball performance last few days..and now i don't wanna reapeat that.:(( i beg to heaven not to be so cruel to me please. :((

2005-08-14T17:50:00.000+08:00

feel like breaking away '__'

2005-08-11T00:03:00.000+08:00

*t....e....a....r.....i....n....g* bwhaaaahhh....!!!! I HATEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE you!!!!! i hAte yOu i hate you!!! stupid!!!stupid stupid!! full of Rubbish!! SHARKS!!!! Arrrrgggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! the words hurt me deep inside....i wanna tear till i bleed....youu are sooo petty and yesh i am petty as well...I feel so pain......in my heart...........I wANt to throw my temper!!! and i know if i do, you sure would do the same....but who cares anyway!! im not gonna talk to you...!!! AARRGGHH!!! i wanna throw stuffs and i wanna bang on stuffs!!! I wanna mess up things!!!! I felt so hurt..please helpppp meeee....my tears seem to have never stopped flowing ever since the words are being thrown to me....and im always thinking about it makesss me....................*speechless*...i felt im being wRonged.....but maybe im really wrong too..but anyway, no use explaining...........im in deep shit...............I hate you to the core!!!!! I thought you were soooo good....but im wrong................beast beast!!!!bastard!!! I guess i'll never stop tearing till tml...i felt like rebelling....im so hurt...thanks to you huh..and yea...you thanked me too...so we are equally thankful yea?!?! great speech you made...I THANK you too!! FINE!!! go ahead with what you wanna say....im fine with..FINE...sure....continue until you are happy...yea..do it!!im not gonna let myself down cos of you!! i can survive on my own...anyway....im so pissed off...felt really better to SHOOT everything here...i guess i dun want to explain stuffs to anybody yet too...cos im not in a great state now...let me be me for now....all i ask is some space for me to THROW tandrum right now....okie..anyway... i beg to privaticise whom im mentioning..so do not ask me....

2005-08-10T17:08:00.000+08:00

Happy 40th National Day Singapore[2005]

2005-08-10T00:44:00.000+08:00

Alrites..time to blog..long time have yet to update. First of all, It's 45 mins after NATIONAL DAY now....HaPPY 40th Birthday Singapore!!! though im not a Singaporean, but yeah! i enjoyed the celebration and the atmosphere like my own country...haha.. well...im just back from Marina South eating Steamboat and seeing the fireworks with sistas, and as well as some of the RPvolleyballers. It was such a concidental that the RP volleyballers like Gary, Vincente, HongChuan, Yenkai and the year ones gals wanna go there too. so we decided to meet up there. but in the end we did not get to sit together, it was wasted though. haha..i tot i could 'played' with both sides....hahaha..!!the more the merrier mah...but too bad le...hehe....hmms...had such a 'bao' dinner...we went there since 5 plus, and ate until 8plus. wahhh!!! sistas damn "pro"! big eaters...hmmms...to them im a small eater, to Rpvball gals, Im a big eater just like Jasminte! wahaha....wOw!! the fireworks nice..the atmosphere was great! hahaha...though it was so crowded. After the Parade was over we went into the concert area and listened to some singers like those from m'sia, indonesia, taiwan lah...or don't know whoever lah..put up some performance bahx...wahh piang!! some of them were so ROCKed that my whole BODY is vibrating, HEART is also vibrating, and even my HAIRS on my arms are vibrating!!! it was so shaKyyyy...oh manz....scaryyy...! haha...well...some of them are really good singers...and yeah..this is my first time seeing the superstars of singapore performing cos i dun really care all about these...hmms...can say not so bad bahx...and then nearing the finale, alot of ppl were leaving already, and we sistas still there being 'high' singing along and supporting the taiwan singer...and danced along..alamak....what a scene manz...im so paiseh yet i felt tempted to do so too. haha..but im yet to warm up...maybe i seldom go to concert that's why paiseh to cheer...hahaha....felt like going KTV sing and dance manz...hehe...it was rather fun! and by the time we left there it was already 10.50pm....and walked all the way to MRT station...what a long way lor...phewwwssss....and now we finally reached home...so tired but fun! though i didn't get to go in with crowds of my volleyball gang..simply missed them too..hehe...oh well....that's the way life is for today.... oh.....have been busy lately......with volleyball stuffs and so on....i think this whole week plus next week too....ever since last saturday till tuesday...had been busy with vball manz....

Saturday vball match(3pm)
Sunday vball match(11.15am)
Monday training (back home late)
Tuesday(today) with NDP (back home late)
Tml (wed) FREE!!! stay home and spend time with family or study lor...since sis complaining 'bout my busy life
Thursday vball training (back home late)
Friday vball match(back home late)
Saturday go elaine's house stay overnight cos next morning got match at Tampines
Sunday match(8am) and den peishan's bday party i guess.
Monday Training(back home late)
Tuesday go out(maybe-back home late)

the rest back to normal already. but have to get back to study for UTs already lo!! Last 4 tests for the semester. [back home late means almost 12am reach home leh...scary leh....sighss..]

wahhh!!! i felt really packed for this period manz....better not make my sis angry ah...hmms...so that's why tml(wed) stay home and guai guai study and do housework!!!wahahaha!!!

alrites...im off here lo.....cannot sleep so late..later tml(wed) cannot wake up...den sure got "niam niam" again...1.17am already lo....goodnightsss my bloggy kizziess....hehehe..

PEACEFUL, DISCREET, NON-AGGRESSIVE

2005-07-23T01:23:00.000+08:00

PEACEFUL- DISCREET -NON-AGGRESSIVE - just to choose an appealing shapes with colours can tell so much about my personalities manz! haha..............Well..this is how it goes: //You are easy-going and independent. You do not need to be the center of attention, instead you graciously let others take center stage. You have no set plans, rather you prefer to "go with the flow," relying on your sharp instincts and intuition as situations present themselves to you. You are very social and popular, yet you are perfectly happy going off alone to persue your interests. There is a quiet confidence about you\\ ROMANTIC - DREAMY- EMOTIONAL //You are a very sensitive person. You refuse to view things only from a sober, rational standpoint.You listen to your feelings. It is important for you to have dreams in life.You reject people who scorn romanticism and are guided only by rationality.You refuse to let anything confine the rich variety of your moods and emotions.\\ CAREFREE-PLAYFUL-CHEERFUL //You love a free and spontaneous life. And you strive to enjoy every moment, in accordance with the motto: "You only live once." You are very curious and open about everything new. You thrive on change. Nothing is worse than when you feel tied down. You experience your environment as being versatile and always good for a surprise.\\ INTROSPECTIVE-SENSITIVE-REFLECTIVE //You come to grips more frequently and thoroughly with yourself and your environment than do most people. You detest superficiality. You'd rather be alone than have to suffer through small talk. Your relationships with your friends are very strong, which gives you the inner tranquility and harmony that you require. You do not mind being alone for extended periods of time. You are rarely bored. \\

= My own 'chimilogy' to keep the days moving on=

2005-07-18T01:23:00.000+08:00

well..im back to blog at last. hmms..where have i been all these whiles? well...im just moving on with life as it goes. just like how the earth is rotating ard the sun and the moon is making its rotation ard the earth..and blah blah..what am i talking here? wahaha! once u are urself, you become mad huh? hmms. am i myself right now? oh well...life gets up and down, you see. same goes for everybody. now i realised more complicated stuffs den b4. Life isn't just simplicity, but the complexity and reality. face it boldly and accept it when it comes ur way. a time for reflections now? but it's late now..1.28am already and have to get up at 6.30/6.40am for school. Lately, family's having some problems which I least expected it to have. least expect it to occur at this moment. dwelling onto it also isn't of any use. but just keep on going. keep on thinking and learning on my part, where i begin to grasp some reality which i never had to bother to take care of it.the once ignorant me is beginning to observe the environment more, and learning how to build up the strength that i never had. learning how to find alternatives to life. Life journey is a life-long learning journey. jus like education, it never ends there. somehow i m just grateful to be able to face these so that im able to take the next challenge when it comes. i fear less for now. my fears used to demoralise me, and now these fears is building the confidence in me for the next level in life. it challenges me every now and then. it seems like im talking my own 'nonsense' and 'chimilogy' here? well...who understands? hmmms..actually i dun understand myself either. look again, and read again after i have completed what i had said. sometimes i dun understand the whole thing, for why i wrote this. but it made sense when i was writing. hehe...just kinda queer explanation. i must be mad then. well forget it then. i guess many has gone thru my mind to the extent that im uttering my own 'chimilogy'. well in that case, some things to say...im just too contradicting on my part. well....let's stop here for a rest from my own chimilogy. `update soon on the happenings` off to slp le!!

2005-06-24T22:28:00.001+08:00

=been blogging for a year now= haha..realised that i have been blogging since a year now....wahahaha!!! like so long...?since the beginning of year one in RP. haha. from a book diary since sec 3...to year 1 life with online diary, which of cos a blog. =lack of self-discipline= haiz...back ta blog again..and yea, im not in the mood to study lately. school is reopening next week! time really WhooShh by! haiz..and i have not really touch on my revision. tried to yesterday, but failed indeed. tried msn appeared offline, but failed too. reading the same sentence over and over again and within the same page for s o m e time..haizzz...and doing other things instead, like writing testimonials for frens whereby i usually dun. am i tested for my self discipline? wondered why. this is one weird thing abt it. =sighs= dunno why such a TEST played a fool on me....it's all up to my own self-discipline and control. i guess dun possess them. wait till i have gained my motivation? haha! weirdO! hmms...well...im being lazy these few days... :( things ard me are 'happening' badly...im sad to say. but realised how much impact i made to change it..is it really me who changed it? or just a coincident? im just more den happy to see things back ta normal. i dun want another of this kind to happen again. -i beg it- *on my knees and close my eyes and take a deep breath* hoping everything will be fine. [i'll take my leave off this blog for now]

2005-06-19T20:14:00.000+08:00

the picture of a flower i took at the west coast park...nice~? wahaha!

2005-06-19T20:12:00.000+08:00

hehe~~~at west coast park...

2005-06-19T20:11:00.000+08:00

At West Coast park with family....hehe....[at the little jetty]

2005-06-12T18:56:00.000+08:00

wohoO! sentosa with my class ppl! but im the only gal left after that =( haha... all so cool huh? haha...really had a great time....swimming, kayaking, beach vball, biking, seaweeding and of cos looking at gals! wahaha!!

2005-06-11T19:47:00.000+08:00

during debriefing

2005-06-11T19:44:00.000+08:00

END~

2005-06-11T19:40:00.000+08:00

WohOo!!

2005-06-11T19:18:00.000+08:00

SERVICE time..haha

2005-06-11T19:17:00.001+08:00

RECEIVING ball time..hahaha

2005-06-11T19:17:00.000+08:00

warming up time

2005-06-11T19:14:00.000+08:00

coaching coaching~

2005-06-11T14:01:00.000+08:00

coach instructing

2005-06-11T13:52:00.000+08:00

before[04-IVP] and after[05-youth cup]

2005-06-11T13:36:00.000+08:00

getting ready to RECEIVE the ball

2005-06-11T13:35:00.000+08:00

getting ready to spikeeee

2005-06-11T13:32:00.000+08:00

Youth cup = The UNITY of RP gals!!~~

2005-06-10T17:40:00.000+08:00

=Home alone with the kids= it has been ages since i last updated..it has been ages since i missed out saying things which i wanted to..but again, im lazy and besides, i have no time..when there's time, i have no mood. oh ther~haiz...my sis and brother in law left for thailand yesterday, leaving the kids behind for me to look after. They went to fetch my brother in law's uncle from our place(currently living in my hometown) back to m'sia. He was really sick, really sick...sighs...he's old now...i really appreciated his help when i just came to singapore, he taught me everyday b4 i could go to school...and now he's in this state...hope that he's fine~ *keeps praying* feeling kinda weird now, no sister's atmosphere...living with the kids alone last night...it's the first time both of them left us alone, if it was just my brother in law leaving for overseas, the feeling would be okie...coz we got used to it already. but now..totally different...haiz...but one thing i like abt it, is the excitement of being able to handle stuffs at home independently, being like a mother to the 2 kids..haha...i thought of it b4...i wanna have the feel of living alone...and now i got it..hahaha...not mean to get happy about it..it's the feeling of "wow! im independent!" haha...have to wait till sunday or monday then they'll be back...hmm..but tonight till they come back, teru(my brother-in-law's nephew) is coming to sleep overnight here, at the same time taking care of us...sighs...sadded tio...haha..as in no atmosphere of me being the biggest here...haha..well...it's alright....we are still kids anyway..and im an old kid...hehe~ =Youth Cup= 05 [28 may-12 june] hmm....well...jus b4 the youth cup, lotsa things really happened and im so D o W n~ but i managed to tell myself and bring up myself to being strong and positive about life...and im glad i did to some extent. and there it goes....youth cup started.....what happened would be my history and i will not repeat it....I knew i did well for the youth cup. i felt that way...except for some mistakes that i did and i knew that too..each game i brought in my positive mentality and work on it... for the first game i did my best too....and bk(coach) said i did pretty fine....all along he wanted my tai-guo-mei spirits to be back like the previous youth cup, isn't it? haha...and i gave an inch, he wanted a yard, haha....so for the next game he asked me to do even better...and i did....im contented abt it too.and im determined to do better....for 3rd game, i felt that i did okie for the first set, but the 2nd set wasn't that good...suddenly off-form...yupz..i realised that..okie well....let's go the last game, this was fantastic!!!!=Dhaha...i still can rmb how memorable it was actually....after every youth cups, i always recall the memorable actions that i did....yeah actually we managed to win....Y E A H~~~!!! haha...im actually quite happy and proud of myself of the fact that i *ping - sacrifice for the balls when normally i din expect i would do that...and several balls were saved actually. And another funny part that I did was trying to save xiaode's lousy ball(oops=x) out of court, i can't believe i actually ran out just to save that ball and guess wat?! I FELL onto the blue fence by the side of the court with a LOUD T-H-U-M-P!!!!!wahahaha.....and everyone from the two courts were staring at me!!! so *paiseh! haha...and at that moment, one of my leg stuck at the bottom of the fence thingy...took quite some time b4 it could be taken out and i quickly ran back to the court, LUCKILY the ball was really saved and sent back to the opponent! phew~ if not risking my life to save this ball would be in vain....hahaha....im actually happy that i did that...somehow, i feel that i did things that i nv did when situations like these happened...and which many ppl never expect i would do it.haha...well...now im looking forward to have this mentality and actions of not giving up till the ball is DOWN onto GROUND! I will not give up!!!! haiz...well...right now...my ankle really hurts when i walk too long or just stand too long or whatever shit i did...even sitting too long....my old injuries back!!! i think ever since the very first day of the youth cup whereby i almost trip over meiwei's leg and twisted it a bit...and now it was worse......some say due to not cooling down after youth cup games....haiz...and i think too much vigorous activities going on already......i really dun want to get hurt b4 IVP again*sobs*sobs* haiz....nooo...no more ankle injuries or whatever again pleaseeeeeeeee.......otherwise...im gonna let out my loudest C R Y~!!!!! arghh....haha....sighs.... okie...im signing off here....gtg get dinner for kids already.....I'LL BE BACK!!! wahahaha*mad*

2005-05-30T23:41:00.000+08:00

"Untitled" -by simple plan I open my eyes I try to see but I'm blinded By the white light I can't remember how I can't remember why I'm lying here tonight And I can't stand the pain And I can't make it go away No I can't stand the pain How could this happen to me? I made my mistakes Got no where to run The night goes on As I'm fading away I'm sick of this life I just wanna scream How could this happen to me? Everybody's screaming I try to make a sound But no one hears me I'm slipping off the edge I'm hanging by a thread I wanna start this over again So I try to hold onto A time when nothing mattered And I can't explain what happened And I can't erase the things that I've done No I can't How could this happen to me? I made my mistakes Got no where to run The night goes on As I'm fading away I'm sick of this life I just wanna scream How could this happen to me? I've made my mistakes Got no where to run The night goes on As I'm fading away I'm sick of this life I just wanna scream How could this happen to me?

2005-05-27T13:30:00.000+08:00

sometimes i just wondered whether i should blog this...i really dunno how to go about saying................... im just sadddd...sadddd....hurt at the same time..to why some things are like this? perhaps i couldn't take that feeling anymore...it started when i got pressurized from the team and etc...not just the team as a whole itself. but also by the people around me...each day ppl are giving me pressure and im trying to improve and change to suit the environment constantly, yet i can only s l o w l y adapt to the changes that i am supposed to keep up with. Im trying to live to my fullest each day, i wanna see my own smiles and happiness everyday, and leading happy-go-lucky life, and im learning to take stress under control....much better now den how i used to be during my sec sch days...but rite now, im starting to get tired and bored about training...thinking about the games after the drills...suddenly i found my enthu spirits were lost somewhere ever since i realised how much the team mates expected of me...im trying to give my best when i can, but when i couldn't, i just can't control...i tried my best to improve every mistakes i made, BUTTT i still made the SAME mistakes...pershaps i must really admit my application problem is SLOW. this is what i always know. everything has to do with my 'blurness' too ya? yah!!! everything!!! i started to hate the word 'blur', and yah, im born this way...i have tried to improve it, yet still as not good as perfect...and im not a perfect person...not even near perfect....so there goes my self-discipline...my discipline to tell myself not to be blur? or whatever? well, drop this topic of 'blurness', i knew all along that Im changing as time goes by...ever since i come to RP and facing so many problems. Things started to become learning experience for me...and making me grow up and face the reality. There are things in which i guess i can't handle much, like emotional stuffs..im a total freak! i guess nobody understand why i reacted that way last night...maybe i held on too much, and im a personality of unpredictable. People can't predict my temper and as well as my reactions to certain things that I faced. While im having problems with life in this way, i also have problems academically where im trying my very best to handle the stress in class right now, though not as much, but somehow im just doing extra for my own concepts....well...that wasn't much of a problem, but facing life with the environment like that was worse den what i expected......one of the smallest setback can create such an impact on me?? well...im surprised myself too...was i like that all along then? if not, den why do i reacted that way? i wanna noe why too........im too tired to say rite now alr..........tired..........tired..........downfall of everything....

2005-05-25T23:19:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to XIAO WEI Finally 18!!! hahahaha..DaJie wishes you all the best for everything, and ur future endeavours....may u be blessed with happiness!!!!

2005-05-19T15:21:00.000+08:00

=Reflections= haiz...certain things in life are meant to be the way they are. No one can change the fact. How much you wanted to change it, you try hard to know the reasons why.But can u find them? At times we must really look deep into the reality to understand life. What's the main point here, -R E A L I T Y- right? well...I guess so~? Can we do something for ourselves? How can you find the happiness for yourself while you are struggling to get off the hook. What is actually holding you to who you are today? what is the learning experience you have today and creating you into who you are in the future? Would you want to follow ur heart or you influential factors around you? Y O U and M E can never understand l-i-f-e! unless u think are a superior being.....

2005-05-12T23:58:00.000+08:00

=Life= and reflections= hmm..haven't been updating much so far...busy busy busy.....BM engineering is damn hard course manz...have to do revision and reading up almost everyday in order to cope well in class...haiz...well...things are getting hard nowadays...it seems like somedays i talk a lot in class for modules which i enjoyed and comfortable with, and when im with the modules which i almost can die in it, im so like a mute!!! so, as for today's module, since i am always talking in class, giving ideas and etc...im being praised and being 'por' by my faci manz...she treated me so nice, and seemed to have high expectations from me, and hopes that i dun disappoint her in UT, i may gain some motivation from this, but at the same time, this is a pressure to me...sighs... Hmm...today I 'fan lian' with shiwen, Im so angry with her this morning, and almost every morning bahx..why? this may seem ridiculous but somehow, maybe im rather petty at times. Or maybe I almost explode already ah. It was because her being late!!! She has repeatedly being late despite the reminders manz...and im being pissed off day by day in the morning...yet i don't flare up, just told her i wanna explode already...well...arghhhhh.....don't know why i really 'bao' today....really ANGRY!!!!! really!!!! today later den usual...exceeding the limits of my patience already. And somehow I think that it was the first time that I fan lian in front of her despite of our 5 year friendship and sisterhood. I don't easily got angry with frens too, but when pushing me to my limits will cause me to explode, which i think it's more harder for others to understand it. and which is more scarier than the normal case. I didn't talk to her all throughout the journey to school, having a 'black' faced all the while....feeling wierd though, but no choice, i just can't afford to be cool down when im being pushed to this limit. Without talking to her made me feel very wierd though, because everyday we talked alot and suddenly we didn't talk and don't know whose gonna make the first move, usually I don't talk unless the other person talk to me first if it's not my fault or if they apologise to me... haiz......well......i don't know what to say too...... hmm....what more can i say about my life now? sux about school, life is such a bore at times....the same procedure everyday...tired after school....and all....housework waited at home...and blah blah...environment and the people around me sometimes become scary factors. Things making some impact on my life......stronger? weaker? cruel? bold?daring? haiz....maybe im going thru this phase of changes in life which people around me can't accept the reality....sometimes i have things keeping me from going further, keeping a low profile in my changes...[big changes=not me???] sighs...what's with everything?!?!I think I will be who i am...be someone standing on my own feet...why would i always wanna be the weak victim of the external factors!?! come on, face up to reality and live by who u are......sometimes life is sooooooo unfair.....haiz...at the same time, hoping all these changes to make me to be someone strong and uphold my own stand which will not lead me to betray my own dignity and conscience....i still wanna be who i am, in terms of my own background characters should always remain with its traces.

2005-05-04T20:35:00.000+08:00

=New webby address for blog= life sux nowadays= It's a NEW URL for my blog.......new..and NEW me!!! arghhhhhh...wat the hell is this manz....i have to change it for some reasons.....haizz....freaking tired these few days...days are horrible these days...thinking a lot...and being troubled....yet im still alive here, yea. i am, yesh,i do wanna live. Whatever...? I guess im going thru some stuffs which is really teaching me to be matured and grow up as well as being someone STRONG. Are what happenings now creating a new me? I realised some parts of me are actually strong, yet some are weak....so, franky, i think i dunno who i am till i learnt and experienced something, but by that time i assume i am that particular characters...but it turn out not!!!.so it can't be!!! what manz...??*confused* im a troubled kid now...at the same time im trying to live happily....i was never troubled, 4ever happy-go-lucky gal...and now, i have to learn certain things in reality...should no longer live in my imagination too much...time for me to balance it out...well...somehow things are alright now...hopefully they are always alright...yet some things will always be a bother to you....i am tired, as well as stress....im getting back on my motivation soon...come on phloy, be strong k. I realised how much more easier i can handle stuffs when im being strong. That's it! that's the way! yoz! haha! and thanks for those showing me concern and care...:p really appreciate that!=D

2005-04-27T16:58:00.000+08:00

hmm...im back ta blog again...obviously that im being so lazy to do so...=sighs= well...school reopened for a week or so already...today is my PP( professional profiling) day. It's a day off for us to get to work with our so-called project instead of attachment...that's actually great to give us the break on weds, so that we can rest after vball training and a break between the week. So, every weds will be either a day for me to do my PP, or staying at home, or going out...haha...not bad ya? haha..hmm...let's talk about my new class manz...oh my! there are only 5 gals in my class, 2 malay gals and plus 2 chinese gals....and me! the thai gal...a total of 22 students in my class....the class isn't so bad....another so-called competitive class again i guess, seeing the way those students do their work...and their BRAINS... there are quite a number of smart peoplesssss in my class....another stressful factor manz....for me, haiz....im not as smart as them..all i can do is to be hard working and catch up with them by doing my part and reading up before hand bahx...I really have to get back my motivation in everything now....being academically or sports...haiz...the main point is.....=mentally= whatever I wanna do, I can do! wahaha! hmm! okieee.....what shall i say now...? =======so sianz=======another sianzation day...Im now in school, just attended a BORING workshop on PP. I did't even listen to a single thing...come here and waste my time..well.sometimes it beats staying at home and rot....just got to wait for vincente korkor come back from his meeting...haiz..sian-ed!! just *tey here myself bahx.....arghhhh!!=~haha

2005-04-17T23:01:00.000+08:00

=Back to blog on the last day of holiday= wireless connectivity is back!= hmmppff!!! yeah..im back to blog again...last day of holiday today...phewww.....finally 'tian zhu wo ye'...everything has been going smoothly these days...my laptop's wireless can connect already and my school VPN also works already...everything seems to be solved...got all the work done today...housework and ironing, all ready for tml's school...filled with relief now...even now can sit on my bed and blog PEACEFULLY...it r e a l l y feels good after doing all the houswork the whole day, which it ended with ironing and teaching at the same time, took showers and all that, to be able to enjoy the relaxation period now...writing and reflect....plus listening to songs....hehe....OoOOo~ great!~ hmm...just hope that this wireless connectivity can really LAST...haha... =this holiday was..= well...I feel that this holiday past by very fast....shit manz...I don't know what have I been doing for the past weeks...letting these days go by....seemed to be occupied...and no time to blog....so different from previous and previous holidays where I can blog and rot at home....haiz....perhaps i have been really going out too much this time? Im feeling as though as Im gaining more and more freedom....wahaha...yeah! or is it bcos my brother in law is not always in Singapore that 's why I got more freedom to go out and play? haha....i don't know...well....that may be part of the reason...anyway, i still had to take the responsibilty to teach my nephews too..haiz....really worry for their studies...hmm....my school holiday since 5th of March till 17th April....that seemed long....but it really flew by....and 5 days being spent in KL sports tour... . =summary of KL sports tour (7th-11th April)= well...I was REALLY excited then, so happy that I began to countdown..haha...my first time to M'sia...well...we started our journey from Kranji MRT station in the morning, i think there were about 40+ people going....vballers already 15 ppl....the rest were made up of rPBL and badminton.....we took bus 170 to Singapore custom, then to M'sia custom at Johor.....wahhh!!! so troublesome....then we took a coach to KL for about 6 hours...the journey was not too bad as I like long journey in the bus, got used to 11-hr bus journey from bangkok to my hometown....can sleep all the way and look out of the window..wahaha....actually I see that M'sia isn't very much different from thailand...but I love thailand even more...feeling more 're nao' when im back in thailand...haha....okie..back to the m'sia trip, we reached the Confucious School around 4-5pm...we washed up and then attended a welcome dinner and performance by them where we actually were there to stay at their hostel....the performance and the dinner were great!!haha....after that we went to walk and shop in m'sia's chinatown( chee cheong gai) which was near the school...there were alot of cheap stuffs....some what like thai night market or basamalam...where we can bargain the items....haha....the first day we didn't buy anything much....don't really have time to walk around too....we had to get back to school b4 11pm as the gate would be closed. We volleyball gals always have been night owls....never sleep early one....usually we stayed up till almost 3am....then got complains from other people that we were noisy....what to do? Volleyballers always have this HISTORY of being the NOISY people....probably based on our supposedly noisy game rules? or teamwork?? we are supposed to be united and noisy when we play volleyball, that's when communication comes in....wahaha....what logic is that? well...that maybe quite true....the history is always the same.....okie...so....the next 2 days were playing games with 2 of the secondary schools there....hmm...the first day of the game wasn't so bad but there were some so-called conflicts going on within our gals team....but we managed to solve it...and willing to improve it..and we did...we had long talks at night after these 2 games....and i realised i had learnt something out of it too...the talks actually really did help me....and i was motivated to do better after i came back....but but....Bk had a talk with us too, and somehow broke our so-called inspirations.....haiz...how could he do that???? but I don't care...Im gonna be positive about that!!! haha!! hmm...okie.....during these 2 days... we've got some time to go chee cheong gai for a while....we bought something to eat for supper...like cup noodles and snacks all that...don't really have much time for shopping manz...wasted!!! haiz! haha...hmm...den Tze Ing treated us a sumptious dinneron the 3rd day, where we ate at a restaurant...haha...it was GREAT!! thanks Tze Ing!!!=D then the 4th day we went to GENTING!!!! that was the greatest manz!!! wahahhah!! i love it!!! the theme park! hehehe...yeah..played with all those flying stuffs..roller coasters all that...wow!!! so fun!!!hehe...and it was cold up there...can see clouds and fog....well...it was FUN!!!hehe.... okie next, we packed up at night and get ready to head back to singapore next morning.... okie...that was about it la....lazy to write so much..this entry is already damn long..... =Tml a beginning of year 2!!!= a new life! hmm....totally new classmates tml!!! except for my Tobby didi and jasbir...lucky same class as me...haha....hmm..my class seemed to have so few gals only....haiz...so sad manz....okie....quite nervous and excited for tml's school....cos got to know new friends....and have to PRESENT again!! shit manz! i hate it! haha... okie..this entry is super long..gotta end here le......kinda tired la....

2005-04-12T23:10:00.000+08:00

Back from KL already....later den elaborate..hehe...happy happy...!!

2005-04-04T00:09:00.000+08:00

=Working days= well...i just feel like coming here to blog again though im feeling lazy and tired right now..haiz.....just came back from work not long ago..hehe...wow!! my first experience in working leh! wahaha! aiya..just giving out flyers and toothpaste samples only la...tired tired ah...my legs damn weak lor...cannot stand too long, must sit down one....haiz...so sad...*so suan* haha...actually not too bad to earn $8 /hr bahx....today work for 5 hours and yesterday for 3 hours...total can earn $64 so far bahx...haiz...next week wasted ah, must go m'sia already, so cannot work again le...maybe still have the chance after I come back? wahaha...maybe maybe? worked at mustafa centre so far..a lot of hei ren...and very crowded...quite scary too..and people say there very dangerous...and guess wat? I saw jasbir, my clasmate...that WARPIG ah... wahaha...hmm..well...after that ,me, meifong and xiaode went to BurgerKing in Bugis eat before we headed home today, meiwei and shiwen asked if we wanna go cartel and 'tey', but we too tired and no money liao..so din go lor...and besides yesterday already went there to 'tey'...i guess everytime i go cartel, sure to go broke one....and today broke le...haha.....yah, yesterday after work went to take the 2nd part of the My Fair Princess III VCD from meiwei...and talked with elaine and jasminete there...so good ah, they all can work there together...i guess i have to look for a new job soon...and Bank wanna intro me banquet in a Shangri La hotel..and hmm... today 2 guys approached me cos they wanna employ part-timers to work for them...something to do with selling stuffs online de....wahaha...suddenly so many people offering me jobs...hehe..that's great!!! haiz....school reopening soon....sianz...and excited about it lor...but don't know still can work or not lor... oh yah!!! i keep displaying limay's blog so that I can listen to the song that i like very much..wahaha...and since my desktop no songs..so sad...wahaha...but nice to listen to "dang ni gu dan, ni hui xiang qi shui" never got bored of it one....so sweet and nice~hee! okie bahx...time for bed now!!! nitEz~~~!

2005-03-29T12:31:00.000+08:00

=I'm bored= eh!!I'm bored again...so come and blog...hehe...haiz..im so headache about this IT stuffs lah...wireless suddenly cannot use again!!! that time can use in the study room, was alright then, except for my room lor......then after a few days cannot work again!!! really very angry and speechless of it already...when will it ever be ok? please help!!! arghhh! so irritating! Desktop PC also once in a while then can use too...haiz.... =KL trip coming le= hahahaha.......im sooooo excited about the KL trip!! yeah!!! yohoO!~ can't wait for 7th of April!!! First time going overseas leh....never even go to Pulau Ubin before!!! just Singapore and Thailand, back and fro only...haha....so that's why im super duper happy!! yeah manz! And now my brother-in-law went back to Thailand again..this time work plus holiday....and he didn't see my mother and relatives for so long already..as he didn't go back with us the last trip...now I JEALOUS he went back!! I also wanna go back! haiz...have to wait till the end of this year then go back le.....must count down for some months le..hehe....and oh yah....he said i and my sis can go back anytime we want....even alone.....haha...GREAT!!! then next time i will have to save up myself to go! don't want them to pay for me, i wanna go so i pay myself lor.....i gonna be independent le....i wanna work part-time!!! wahahah!!! oh! i've found a job!!! giving out flyers..gary intro one....$8/hr! great rite?!?! so must faster use this opportunity to earn money.....haha...and maybe after school reopens, i wanna work banquet in a hotel for once a week!?!? wahahaha...just the thought of it makes me happy!! cos I can finally work!!! to earn my own money and not to depend my sis all the time le...maybe i wanna pay my hp bills myself..and certain things......hehe...yeah!!!see how first!!! but im sure to spend money easily one de....hardly can save manz..thatttt'sss a bad thing about me....eat and eat like pig!!!hahaha!!!! and lastly, hope that working part-time once a week when school reopens will not affect my studies. All i have to do is being more discipline and manage my time well... I can talk about all these, but when did i ever feel proud of myself of being able to accomplished my target???*shakes head* haha.... yeah!!yeah!!! let's us ALL count down for the KL trip!!! happy happy!!!~~ lalala~~~

2005-03-24T13:15:00.000+08:00

=Laptop okie already=did a good deed= okie..im back here to blog about a good news!hehe...guess what? my laptop is fineeeeeee now.....haha...replaced with a new motherboard for free..think it was under warrenty? but....already wasted around 20 bucks for cab fare so far..haha.. and now i realised something...i suddenly love my laptop more...treating it like my 'baobei'! wahaha! realised how previous it is now..haha...Oh yah, the wireless connection in my laptop is still not okie....how ah? oh manz.....haizzz....must wait till Teru come back from overseas... Oh...I did a good deed yesterday while i was on the way to collect my laptop!!!hehe~so happy....I brought a 88-year old old lady to her destination...oh my gosh! what am i doing? suddenly i felt so good! but the destination was quite near lah....cos she asked me where she was and she wanna get to the bus interchange when we were in Jurong East MRT...I walked her all the way to the bus there...and she kept saying 'xie xie ni' so many times and wanna treat me something..but i declined lah...wOw~helping someone is actually really great feeling!hehe... haiz..later i must go vball training again....and the gym at 4pm! sianed with gym....but i wanna be strong too...hehe....okie lah, gonna stop blogging here le....

2005-03-23T12:14:00.000+08:00

=sore throat=training=collection of my laptop= heiyo!haha....kizzy! hmm...oh! im having a slight sore throat now...don't know what's happening manz....but not feeling sick leh....had this sore throat with the 'greenish' phregm for some time already...and it's not recovering...seems like getting worse now....urgh!*ahem!* haiz... okie....hmm hmm...yesterday went for the sports interview thingy and i was damn nervous...but i managed to calm down...hehe...okie...it went well...but i don't expect anything for it lah...just anyhow la.cos there are so many people on the list too mah...so many are much more outstanding than me. My thai fren accompanied me to school and after that we to meet marcus at cineleisure....den just go play play and walk walk....shit ah..i everytime the only girl in the guys group....later one day i become tom boy ah...haha...oh well....after that i went back to school for training...and it was alright bahx....after that we went to eat dessert at redhill market cos im also not feeling hungry too...went home super late again...12 plus den reached again...and luckily my sis and brother-in-law didn't give me scolding..hahaha...oh well den, i just went off to sleep le after bathing.....so tired~ hmm..later i have to go to Henderson Industrial park again to collect my 'precious' laptop!!!!! haiz....precious like real lor....haizyo...don't know went there how many times le...I was told that they changed the motherboard for me and tested it....didn't hang so far.....haha....hopefully i take it back won't go against me hor? otherwise i would feel like smashing it onto the floor already ah.....so angry!!! haiz!played with my feelings everytime...making me feel happy and den sad! argh...!!! hopefully this time i can REALLY be happy!!hahaha..after that gtg back to school to configure my Rp domain and download stuffs again....don't know how long will it take....haha...nvm i will just slack in school?haha..okie...i gtg le.....bye~kizzy!

2005-03-16T19:43:00.000+08:00

=Laptop sux, wireless sux too= haha..okie...after soooo long....and im back ta blog...haiz...really lazy to do so bahx...like no time? -ExCusEs!- but most of all it's lazy cum no time for such thing lah...haiz...im just being bored right now....so just blog to pass my time....hmm..oh well~ my laptop really sux! Thought that it's already much better than Acer? wahaha....oh, what should I say about it? Initially I thought it was the hard disk problem, bcos whenever I move it , shake it, or close the lid ==> it will just HANG! the mouse pointer no longer moves and STUCK! really like something loose inside the system...and I had to make a couple of trips to Henderson Industrial Park! Took cab there each time and nearly wasted 10 over bucks for nothing and nothing was solved.....reformatted my C drive and I lost some data too....haiz...luckily it was not so important...just wasted some of my games and favourites stuffs....if i really lost all my songs i would cRy manz...that would really be wasted!!!! haiz....anddddd...after that have to wasted so much time doing all these...and configured back my Rp domain....anddddd......found out that.......it HANG again!!!=sadded tio= wahaha.....haiz......no use one....had to make another trip again....this time took bus there....asked marcus how to get there by bus...and almost lost in Henderson area...but smart me, hee..managed to find the way there...wahahaha~ bleah...okieee.....so shit manz...wireless at home also cannot work properly in my laptop, keep dc-ing....well..hopefully after tha repair of my laptop, it can connect properly.....yeah! now my desktop Pc can work already.....can online...wahahha...hehe...okie good good... Oh yah....i just got to know a thai friend thru' marcus, 2 years my senior and he's from NP...and he too, stayed in Singapore almost 11 years, since 10 years old...wOw~ longer than me...and thai language is definitely better den me even though he can't really write well....haha...maybe i can learn to speak thai from him too...wahaha....this would be fun!It's such a shame that I can hardly speak thai.... and yet I have to speak English to him instead manz.....stupid thai gal....both thais speak to each other in English! oh manz~....And luckily he can speak English almost like Singaporean and there's Singlish as well....just like me....wahaha!...Finally got a thai friend in Singapore le! yeah!

MyRP - MyRP

2005-03-05T15:45:00.000+08:00

testing testing

2005-03-05T14:45:00.000+08:00

=A come-back to blog= ArgHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....................a nice way to start blogging huh? haha...have been so lazy to update lately...ever since CNY....and because I cannot use the wireless connection at ALL! Have to sit in such an uncomfortable to blog, cos I need a wire plug-in to connect to the internet. haiz....rather sit on my bed blog manz...wahaha! hmmm...think i finally can relax after so long...seems like this is the only weekend after sooo long didn't go out...last last last weeks were like occupied with CNY stuffs and beach volleyball...actually it was fun! haha...!well...the semester is coming to an end soon. We will be moving up to year 2 le! YeAh!!! hahaha...quite excited yet scared! hmm...and I can judge that I won't be doing very well this semester as I think I have been on the way of slacking too much....always didn't prepare for UT as much as I did. Actually can consider as didn't prepare for them at ALL... hmmm....oh...class chalet is coming up on the 6-8 of April and I can't go bcos of the M'sia Sport Tour...wahahahaha! so excited about it manz....I wanna go M'sia and see!have never been there! hehe...=D yeah! hmmm...holiday is coming in about a week's time! I've got to save up le...partly for the M'sia trip and overall....and Im gonna slowly save up for the Thailand's trip at the end of this year! Im gonna use my saving for my shopping! haha...yeah!!! Whenever I think of going back to Thailand for holiday, I got so excited manz.....can't wait!!! +Always countdown+ okie....another plan is, im gonna revise my studies during the holidays too...making up for what I have lost manz....it seemed like I went to school for nothing and at times, I felt as though I gained nothing on that particular day. This is damn sick! wahaha...well...well....me! oh yah! I have started a light dieting programme le! wahaha! just doing stomach crunches, leg elevations and etc....gotta lose some weights le! have been saying wanna diet for sooo long already but have not done my part at all! wahaha.....damn lazy me!

2005-02-25T00:38:00.000+08:00

=Happy birthday to ME!!=Finally 19 lo! hoho haha..okie..today must blog!!! yeah! cos it's a special day for me ya! GUESS wHAT? im 19 le!!!! zun zun 19!! hahaha.....yeah!!! so happy...hmm....but so old hor? and but den so childish...never grow up one de...anyway..i do change also la...always changing one lor...hehe..hmm...how do i feel ne? hmm hmm...happy!!! my sis thinks i mad when im happy about turning 18 or 19!!! I also don't know why...i guess it's bcos i feel like a young adult le...wahahaha....but i don't want to grow to over 25 plus leh....just wanna stay around these youth age!!! wahahaha...coOl!!~hehehe...im suddenly mad now!!! yo hoO!hehe.....okie...im a 19-year old girl!!! hoho!

2005-02-17T23:52:00.000+08:00

=CNY week in brief and so on= haha hohO! long time no blog le..since the beginning of the CNY! hehe...have been busying with stuffs....hmm..where shall i start from? haha..hmm..i guess i won't be talking much in details bahx...haha....hmm...firstly it's a festival of being able to EAT and EAT! that's simplE! haha...okie...well...actually just some occasion to have reunion with family and relatives..well..as for us, we don't have many relatives in Singapore...so our 'bai nian' period on lasted for a few days...people came to our house most of the time....or should say the first 3 days...but after these days I went out to friends' house and invited friends over...got some ang baos..hOhO! hmm...and the 1 week holidays soon whizzzz by....and hardly study for UT. So went for UT with hardly any knowledge of the topic...stupid manz...okie okie...so, my Valentine's Day was also spent with my sistas eating sushi...and got lotsa chocolates....and yesterday we went to watch the movie 'Constantine' ..whOhOo! it was not bad...haha...and today went to angela's house to 'bai nian' with the vballers! Oh yah....before that we were in school helping out in the Open House.....after the 'bai nian' I reached home at 12am exactly...just on the dot! wahahaha!! hmm....well..this entry is being publish at 1.21am of Friday...but i shall just put it as Thursday k! wahaha...okie...lazy to continue writing le.....maybe what happened these few days can be written into many pages...but no mood to continue le....just too tired le....heH! nitezzzz kizzzy!

2005-02-08T23:46:00.000+08:00

hey hey..CNY is super round the corner...and this damn stupid wireless not working..now have to use the wire connection again!!! shit manz..okie okie...all i wanna say here...isss just a brief descriptions of what's going on and what's going to be happening...haha...after the whole thing den i will have the time to blog!! wahaha..basically...and firstly was busy with the spring cleaning and preparations in the house..went shopping with my sis..made a couple of trips...buying CNY goodies which are to be lasted for a few days! even though i know that i am sick, i still made my sis to buy those tidbits...wahaha..if i dun go and shop with her, she probably bought a few of these goodies...so, to conclude,im the one making her buy and buy those stuffs! all i told her was, this one nice that one nice...hehe...so that's the reason why i wanna tag along...if not i also dun like to carry heavy stuffs..bring trolley lor...right???ahaha.....and im the one always finishing those stuffs.! hehe..paiseh ah....but right now...i dun eat until i have recovered from my flu...hehe...LUCKY manz! dun have FEVER!!! my nose have been runny and sneezing the whole of yesterday and today! and i din take any medication, but it just recovered just like that!! wahaha....now it's recovering le..yeah! just a change of voice! but i like! wahaha...don't know why..maybe for a change! interesting mah...hmmm....so tomorrow is the BIG day!!! There will be lotsa food and goodies waiting~ hehe...yummy yummy! hmm...after these fews important days, then time to go friends' and sista's house bai nian lo! and i miss Mr Tan Kee Seng(Sec 3/4 form teacher)...he's inviting 4/6 to his house again! yoZ! i miss THE 4/6 manz..hehe...okie hao bahx...sign off from here.... andddddddaaaa..................[HAPpY ChInEse NeW YeaR] XIn NiAn KuAi Le!!!

2005-02-04T23:26:00.000+08:00

=SICK= sore throat sadddd CNY?!?!!? hmm....back to blog again!! hehe....hmm....today is Friday! the last day of school before a week break for CNY. Yeah! and No Yeah!!! sigh....having sore throat now...it's a syndrome of my sickness le...maybe having cough, flu and followed by fever soon le...what a CNY!!! sigh....serve me right for hoping to postpone the CNY hor??? bao ying! now really can control diet le hor? but can i enjoy? sighhh.....well..hopefully this is just a flu not fever.... urghhh..this morning felt sooooo xin ku manz...what to do..help me!!!! =sigh!= well..now i think better a little? seemed to have flu now...arghh... hmm haoz...tomorrow got to clean up the house and help my sis with CNY shopping lo! and im gonna decorate the house with ang baos...but everytime the same way de....boring..dun dare to anyhow make a pattern...later bu ji li...haha...okie bahx..i gtg do something in com nowww..hehe....putting my photos online....no need waste space in my com le...yeah!!hehe....*shoulder blades hurt* heeeeelllppp... nitEz!~ =]

2005-02-04T20:56:00.000+08:00

Happy 18th Birthday to Shiling [er mei] 31st Jan 05

2005-01-31T22:53:00.000+08:00

mw and me

2005-01-31T22:52:00.000+08:00

elaine me xiao de trapped in the train...wahahhaa...

2005-01-31T22:51:00.000+08:00

me and elaine

2005-01-31T22:50:00.000+08:00

wahaha....vincente korkor took de!! do i look like jasmine trice!?!? wahaha....=puke=

2005-01-31T22:48:00.000+08:00

At sentosa! =saturday= A beach volleyball to remember!

2005-01-31T22:46:00.000+08:00

me and laogong huishan..wahaha!!

2005-01-31T22:44:00.000+08:00

At Suki Sushi on Friday....after fetching huishan from the airport.

2005-01-30T23:33:00.000+08:00

= Filming+ a STAR!! wahahaha= THURSDAY okie...i'm back to blog! hmm..let me summarise this weekend's events bahx...hmm-hmm..firstly, I somehow regretted committed to the filming thingy..the SEG video clips...all the acting and pretence stuffs...just sit there and act to be asking questions while in FACT we are just talking craps with the 'acting' facilitator as well...like..."what have you eaten?" ..."Are you married?" and blah blah...all those rubbish stuffs....felt like laughing... hmm..why I regretted was because they promised us that it won't take up our curriculum or after school time...unless they have to....but in the end, we seemed to have wasted our day on that Thursday. The filming started from 11.45am to 2pm like that! And we seemed to have done nothing for the 3rd meeting manz...in fact the few of us who were involved in the filming...stupid stupid la....and 4pm have to go back to filming again!!! =sianz= and I almost miss vball training cos of that! By 8pm then I could go for training...at least i went! hehe...arghhhh!!!! stupid filming lah! =Did a bad thing=Huishan's BACK!= FRIDAY Yah...I did a bad thing today...something that I never did for no reason....but i did it today!!! wahaha..well well...i'm getting bad..haha...can even argue with my sis for my reason....trying to make things reasonable....hmm....the bad thing i did today, some of you all may know..some may not...felt so guilty about it...hehe....but nvm...it's over....Ermm...went to fetch huishan in Changi Airport, who's my 5th mei....went to study in Australia since Mid of our Sec 3 year...miss her sooo much....!!! she hugged all of us the moment she reached...and she was teary...and all of us were as teary as her.....oh manz....she's BACK!!!! =D All of us went to eat..shopped, took neoprint and sat somewhere to chit chat until 11 plus.... =BEach Volleyball at SentoSa= Saturday yeah!!! excited on this day!!! going for the beach vball competion! RP sent in 3 teams...White, Black and Green Republic! wahaha...woke up early morning and gave 3 people morning call...kor kor, elaine and hc! i called elaine 17 times every now and then and she couldn't hear! Oh Gosh!! What a human!! hehe...Our White Republic consisted of Vincente korkor, hc, xiao vincent, shiwen and me....and I took turns with shiwen to play for each game....haizyo....we had a great time i should say...fun fun!! went to swim in the water...played with water...played with GREEN seaweed...not BLACK seaweed.....wahaha..throw here and there..so fun manz...whahaha.....played vball...played with sand...played with the sunshine and now we are back with SUNBURNT! wahaha....After that we went eat steamboat at marina bay.... hmm...not bad not bad...hehe...and i knew that guy is a thai from his face and accents...wahaha...actually saw a few also look like thai there...wahahaha....and this guy came and serve us and we all speak some thai and he reacted shyLY manz....wahahaha...funny la...and after he knew im a thai too, he asked me which part of thailand i am from and where I study...how long i have been living in Singapore...and when i said coming 10 years liao... he got so shock!! wahaha....and guess what?!? he treated us one bottle of champagne...wahaha....kop kun mak mak kaa....haha...Got home so late again and again....until no time to help my sis with the CNY preparation...very soon she might complain about me again lo...haha.....and daaaa....i'm going out for a dinner with my friends again....2nd mei and siqi's birthday!!! and Last but not least, it's eunice Lim birthday as well...and she's not free to go outas she have to be busy with her final year project....hmm...but nvm.....wait till she have the time...hmmm..okie................... hao bahx....then i will wish them happy birthday!!! 31st Jan=D HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO shiling HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO siqi HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO eunice lim

2005-01-28T01:01:00.000+08:00

wahahaha.....GUess wat BK said about me in his msn nick?!?!!? it says: [Where's my Phloy during the Youth Cup?] Now..becomes.... [I lost my Tai Guo Mei after Youth Cup] or something like that.....and changed again to...... [ Will try everything to get my Tai Guo Mei back...even by force] wahahahhahaha!!! CRAZY!!!! arghh...as if i played well during the YOuth Cup! but b4 he say all these....i also set on my determination to get back my spirit de la....will TRY to prove it to YOU dE!!! wahahaha.....

2005-01-26T23:37:00.000+08:00

=Lost my calculator= Okie!!! here i am again!!! arghh!!! you know what now?!?! I reaLLy HATE myself....I LOST my second calculator in RP.....!!!!! and countless pens in RP!!! but the most agigating thing here is......I am SO caRElEss!!!! WHY! WHY! Initially it was my hp! now...!??!? hurhhh......I wanna CRy le la....arghhh!!!! what to do??? I am such a messy girl!! Mess up everything in life!! I'm sick sick sick of myself at times....sighs....oh please tml is my eng maths UT...and this thing happened to me....i guess i can't sleep tonight! I am now wide awake....trying to study but at the last topic no mood le...so gave up last topic le...maybe tml just look at it bahx...wanted to take a nap not long ago...was about to drift off when i suddenly realised that I forgot about my calculator...Oh my Gosh!!! I just couldn't sleep after that....keep asking around...and nobody had seen it.....arghhhhh...!!!! =hurgh= *sobz sobz* Arghhhhh!! In the end, cuiting helped me ask the eng design faci for an extra calculator for me tml...don't think about it for the time being can? haizyo.....that time was hp, now this!!! now i have learnt to take care my things leeee...... *11.48pm* OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH..................Zhiwei accidentally put it inside his bag!!!! wahahahahha......happy happy happy happy!!!! wahhOhoOhO!!! yeeeeaaahhhhh!!!! *muackx muackx* this was how the conversation goes......... [Z](--SizArO--)[W] i foUnd an ExTra cAlcUlaToR in mY bAg!! =D says: ur calculator with me! ☺[-*.*-]☺ [ 'laogong' is comin' back!!! yipee!] Phloy has been submerged somewhere.... says: Oh izzit?!!?!?!??!??!?!?! ☺[-*.*-]☺ [ 'laogong' is comin' back!!! yipee!] Phloy has been submerged somewhere.... says: wahahahhahahahahhhhahhhaa ☺[-*.*-]☺ [ 'laogong' is comin' back!!! yipee!] Phloy has been submerged somewhere.... says: IM SO HAPPYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY ☺[-*.*-]☺ [ 'laogong' is comin' back!!! yipee!] Phloy has been submerged somewhere.... says: den jus now u nv say???? ☺[-*.*-]☺ [ 'laogong' is comin' back!!! yipee!] Phloy has been submerged somewhere.... says: make me think so much!!!!!! [Z](--SizArO--)[W] i foUnd an ExTra cAlcUlaToR in mY bAg!! =D says: i duno sia..i juz happen to found 1 calculator in my bag ☺[-*.*-]☺ [ 'laogong' is comin' back!!! yipee!] Phloy has been submerged somewhere.... says: arggghhhhhhhh ☺[-*.*-]☺ [ 'laogong' is comin' back!!! yipee!] Phloy has been submerged somewhere.... says: wahahahhaahhah [Z](--SizArO--)[W] i foUnd an ExTra cAlcUlaToR in mY bAg!! =D says: u la ☺[-*.*-]☺ [ 'laogong' is comin' back!!! yipee!] Phloy has been submerged somewhere.... says: THANK YOU!!!!!! [Z](--SizArO--)[W] i foUnd an ExTra cAlcUlaToR in mY bAg!! =D says: anyhow throw ☺[-*.*-]☺ [ 'laogong' is comin' back!!! yipee!] Phloy has been submerged somewhere.... says: hahahahha ☺[-*.*-]☺ [ 'laogong' is comin' back!!! yipee!] Phloy has been submerged somewhere.... says: i forgot mah and blah blahhhhh.............hahahhahaha........wahhh!! I HAPPY DAO!!! wahaha.......he says the feeling of losing things is great!!!! SIAO!!! i have learnt my lesson le la!!!okiee....wannna continue blogging de but in the end...............TOO HAPPY to blog le!!! hehehehe..... =Laogong coming back!!= hmmm..but just say something bahx......My laogong(huishan = 5 mei) is coming back from Australia for a holiday!!! yeah!!! yipee!! funny right?? call each other laogong....didn't see her since sec3 le......yeah!!! this friday can't fetch her at the airport, but nvm....can go have dinner with her and the rest of sistas....***Sistas REUNION!!! wahahha...wahahaa...okie....suddenly not tired le...wanna blog about me being so tired recently and how useless i was these days.... but my mood got lifted up le...hehehe......aiya...weird la...everytime will make me like......yi chang ku, yi chang xiao de...wahahha...dunno use the right phrase or not leh....wahhahaha..okie......lala off i go leee..... lalalala...this entry seems MAD* =D

2005-01-25T09:58:00.000+08:00

=TIrEd!!!= *YAWNS****yum yum......urgh!=> yeah! vball training later....trying to gain new motivation for every training~ just to be happy playing..... *JIA YOU* everybodyyyy!!! =D

2005-01-23T22:35:00.000+08:00

=Spring Cleaning= ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH=========I was blogging halfway just now when I accidentally press the Fn+C instead of Ctrl+C to copy it......then my Entry all GONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE>...................*whinning like DOG* hurrrrr hurrrrr........urghhhhh.......I wanna let out a SCREAM!!!!!!! Qi si wo le la...... haizzzzzzzzzzzz.let's start all over again....but like no mood le leh..... hmm....what should I say now? Practically gonna repeat what I have said a while ago...can it be the same manner then? well...let's see....okieokie....it's Sunday today!!! 3 days holiday....with a Hari Raya Haji on Friday.....but time really flies bahx....Have been doing some cleaning in preparation for the CNY...YEAH!!! the only thing I like about the preparation part in the house is decorating it with the Ang BaOs and hanging stuffs...WhOoo~~~and soon...the big day comes...tada! Dong dong Qiang!!! Dong dong Qiang!!! Bang!! wahaha....and there's sumptious fooD!Ang BaOs!New Clothes!Tidbits! Rou Gan!.....food KiLLERS........sometimes i have this weird weird thinking of having the CNY postponed!!haha....im mad la...cos u see ah, I have been unsuccessful in my jian-ing fei leh....so that's how i think that might add several kilos of fat in me! wahaha....those ppl who are waiting for the CNY gonna kill me if they see this!! wahaha...nevermind about me, I'm mad....haha....okie okie..enough le! hmm....for this year's plan of buying new clothes are much sImpler le...hmm...I going to buy so-called sIMple clothes...I mean as in the top...like those T-shirts or what..which can be commonly wore to school de....usually I would buy those very girl girl blouse which are only suitable for this kind of occasions.....so after that occasion, I no longer wear them le...so..it's really wasted....but right now I have 2 tops which my 4th sis bought for me from Thailand which are so-called kua zhang and gal gal...flower flower one de...haha.....got the chinese style de....haaar~never wear them yet.....so..just see how im gonna handle that! wahaha!!! oh yah! what if now I buy those larger sized bottoms for now de....then after my sucess of my jian fei-ing how? will it be of a use? haha...i guess it's also hard for me to be success in my diet la...after so much i have done to my ROUNDED-WIDE face and my FLESH!!! adding fats day by day......okie okie....for now....Eng maths UT coming soon....I'm glad that it could be done on paper again....doing online really takes lots of time...and very hard to see...I can take millions of years to type numbers man...esp. those symbols for doing the ppt...and I've got a B+ for the last UT!! yeah!! despite the fact that I have no time to complete the last page....but perhaps the next UT will be harder cos of Integration man~=sighs= Oh yah..talking about lost of my hp!! Got to new one...happy lo!! but cannot be too happy...cos it was lost!!! and stolen!!! and that person deserved a curse!!! wahaha....like xiao de had said, no loss no gain...and my gain was to get a hp that i wanted.....the camera phone!!! my new toY!!! can play play le!!! wahaha.....=crazy= okie..im signing off lo....... +++seeing stars is a sign of luck+++

2005-01-19T23:58:00.000+08:00

=Handphone lost, got a new one in return= ArGH!!!!=( Sadded day!!! and turn out not so bad after all..... Firstly...........Im now taking about my hp!!! Was lost in the gym...idiotic people stole it! and I guess I'm careless as usual, serve me right for leaving it at the top of the cabinet near the mirror and it was left unattended......*cried* ......sadded......no mood.....got so scared...at a loss...sighs...went up to the C10...xiaode helped me to call the singtel to suspend the line...almost cried....informed my sis about the lost of the hp, then she just as speechless as me...but she did say something about me being too careless and etc...and told me to save my own money to buy it myself...that's one thing i was worried about...perhaps i may take years to save it...wahaha...while talking to her on phone halfway, i just suddenly broke down and my eyes started to turn teary, voice seemed coarse, almost no voice to reply my sis...and i guess she knew it as well.... covered my face with towel and sobzzz...and xiao de came and console me..patting on my back...=thanks xiao de=*muacks* thanks for consoling me on the trip home...oh man~ i was in a pathetic state.... Got scolded heavily for being such a careless useless human.....after I reached home my sis was already in the HELLO shop in West Mall, waiting for me there and wanted to get a new hp for me....so soft-hearted[zui ying xin ruan-like my brother-in-law as well] despite what she have told me....I guess she's really worried for me, cos I came back home very late after vball training. I have got another longggg painful lecture in the train on the way home.....at first I could still bear with it....but after a while my throat start to be compressed and with teary eyes....tried to hold them back...but almost can't...I looked away from my sis and never look at people, looked at the ground instead....just nodded or shook my head when replying her... without looking at her...argghhhh why can't she just wait to go home and give me that lecture??!? but after that I guess she knew i am hiding my tears....so she stopped liao.....wah!! finally!!! I closed my eyes...pretended to be sleeping in the train...so my tears won't leave those eyes...otherwise i would damn be PAISEH!!! =sighs====cried so easily...... Got a new hp in return...oh my! what have i done? why do I deserve this? do I?

2005-01-19T01:30:00.000+08:00

=UT and blah blah= YohOo!!! hey hey! haha...oh man~ Eng Design UT done like shit! just copy and paste the formulae....and not much workings de....oh no! i think it's gonna be done BADLY *shakes head*....and yah, i didn't have my usual breakfast cum lunch with classmates since i have taken kinda heavy breakfast from home liao....then not hungry....didn't eat after that...furthermore, went for the talk to get CE points and no time to eat le...just bought biscuits to eat in class plus the chocolate coated sunflower seeds....after school was feeling hungry yet no appetite..haizyo! guess was too hungry bahx..... =Training= .hmm...tues day training as usual....hmm....what to say about it man~ well...it was just ok ok bahx...just that recently i have been playing damn lousy due to the don't have the " shou gan" le....din bao qiu..=sigh= SPIKING getting worse le...OH YAH!!! you know what? when i jump and block the ball, i could touch the spiked balls from the opponent liao...wOw!!! so happy man~~wahahhahaha....!!!!! sooner or later im going to make my fingers and hands firm to handle it!! YEAH!!!!haha...happy happy...hehe....after training, went to have dinner at the redhill market with Bk, KT, carol, jsee, jsee.....got treated dinner for free!wahaha......and lala...off went home....listening FM933 so won't be bored...

2005-01-16T11:48:00.000+08:00

=All Done finally= wOw!!!! im dead tired doing the blog today....spending almost the whole day....plus a lot a lot of stuffs............from a simple layout...things start to get complicated le......aiyo... i damn mad le....Finally...felt so relieved le...yeah!!!!hehe.....yipee!!! okie..it's time for me to go to slp lo!! yeah!! gdnite kizzy..will be missin= ya....@@ =muacky=

2005-01-15T23:16:00.000+08:00

=I'm back!= hey hey Kizzy..miss me?!?!hehe...okie..im back to blog le....guess what?!?! I watched finished the show [xue tian shi] le...hehe...last night after my dinner, i watched it until 3am but still haven't finish it yet....left with 1 and half episode...wahhh! believe it or not...I watched from episode 9 to 14+...wahaha....wanna continue to watch de...but den my sis called me to slp! wasted man~ too addicted to dramas le...=bad bad= haha....well...so watched it finished today...well...it's not bad even though the couple did not be together in the end. At first i was so 'kek' as to why the ending like that...but as I watched i realised there's some meaning about it....so didn't feel so sad afterall....it's alright!!hehe.... Okie....im bored with my blog skin le...I wanna change it!!! wahaha....now i find simple stuffs are much nicer than complicated stuffs, don't you think so?haha... YEAH!!! today Teru came to fix the wireless router in our house...hehe...so HAPPY....no need to sit in the living room liao! and was so mafan with the wire....now i can sit in my room and do work le....more privacy toO! yippee...!bcos of this, we have to bring in the shared computer to the study room and replaced that place with a newly bought furniture....and i have to rearrange and moved the desks in the study room....wahhh!!!! so tired man~so to re-FORMAT the room again....then let my nephew use my desk le....now my PLACE is in my room plus on my bed..wahaha..so convenient le....hehe...

2005-01-13T23:46:00.000+08:00

=Watching shows in progress= Hmm...recently have been quite lazy to update the blog...maybe bcos im too engrossed in my own stuffs like watching [xue tian shi] when im free...the show is soooo nice~ watched until episode 7 out of 15 liao...hehe...after this show, im gonna watch [ren wo ao you] which i wanna borrow from Limay...YEAH!!! wahahaha.... haiz...but 1 sad thing abt the show that i am watching now is, that Jeffrey told me that in the end the lead actor and actress won't be together....and i also watched it to double check it! wahhh!! really lor...=sadded= haiz.....=sadded= why like that de?!?! =What a UT= Engineering Sci UT today....think i will not do well bahx...just don't have the confidence though it was like my first time studying for UT thoroughly lor....so called thoroughly bahx....not like last time just read thru....=sigh= well...last night seemed to be tired after got home...slp at my desk for a couple of mins and den went to bathe....tried to concentrate and study....SO..unexpectedly, i was NOT tired after studying until 12.30am like that..wahaha...great!!! First time have a great feeling and accomplishment for AGES!!! hmmm...still got more things to say..but rite now too tired to go on le...CAN'T think le....

2005-01-10T22:59:00.000+08:00

=what are these days?= okie okie...i miss you already Kizzy....hehe...im back here to blog! i won't find u boring le...hehe...i will keep you updated de!!wahaha!! well well...first of all....now....im leading a normal life while searching for my inner SELF! haha...so far...days go by smoothly.. haha..guess what? I just bought an ear piece today! white colour one! the colour which i have been searching for! FINALLY=hehe....so HAPPY now....and oh yah...Im addicted to the show " Xue Tian Shi" acted by TOrO! The handsome guy!wahaha.....the story quite nice so far....hehe...and guess what again? I CRIED while watching the first episode of the show. REALLY sad lor....sigh...wahaha....so with my NEW ear piece i am able to watch the show in class whenver im free lo! YEAH!!! hahaha....can't WAIT!!!

2005-01-09T01:47:00.000+08:00

=Should i blog?= Suddenly im bored of this BLOG! kinda sick of blogging here le...hehe....i shen jing bing le..........Tired to blog and lazy!!! wahahahhahha!

2005-01-06T16:34:00.000+08:00

=Tired= I am finally tired after requesting for it! wahaha..FINALLY huh? i must be damn mad ah...and yesterday, I was feeling DEAD except for the times when i was involving myself actively with something...=argh= went home after gym at around 7 plus and my sis called me to join the family for dinner in Lot 1 since my brother-in-law was back from overseas. And I had been dragging myself to Lot 1....so tired to walk....ate at the food junction....after that we went to shop around...my sis just love to look for VCDs...after that I went home first cos I'm too tired to go on le...went home and tried to study....haiz....in the end also studied a bit only...wahaha....just to sit for a while and abt 10pm cannot take it le, so went sleep and woke up 1 hour later to study....but in the end also dragged until 12am den can study.....sighhhhh....but good thing was, the nap really helped me alot, so i managed to stay until 1 plus....trying hard to study...but brain kinda BLOCKED le...=argh!!!=but the UT still alright except for some questions...no time to finish the last page!!! Got the equation liao! but no time to do!!!=arghh= maddening [very kek].....hehe..nvm abt it bahx...it's over le! wOw! ahaha... hmm...a new faci for eng science! a female one....okie la...she's not bad! hahaha..i paid attention and made my day went fast despite my tiredness!!! hahaha....that's what i did last time! hahaha...DUN THINK OF TIRED! = ) It will work de!! depends on ur determination la..hahaha....YEAH!! today vball training lo!!!! hehehe....last training i pray for NO rain..and really there's no rain.....wahahah....great rite?!?!?!wahahaha! okie...will stop blogging now....lazy to blog le...

2005-01-05T13:27:00.000+08:00

=yest training and blah blah= argh!!!...suddenly feel kinda lazy to blog in here....back to sch is like that de...oh man~ sianz and tried....stressing myself up for no reason...making a reason out of it..like trying to lose weight! ppl might think im insane....at least not as insane as forcing myself to vomit my food out~wahaha...eating is a blessing in disguise leh....wahaha...but may not necessary be so...lala..haha...hmmm....yesterday training was kinda okie? cos there's some team work within and etc..and it was our first time that we won the guys..haha...not bad not bad....haha....just tired today...so kinda lazy to blog and as well as thinking of the Eng maths Ut tml...makes me headache just by thinking of it....as for my recent enterprise UT, it SUCKS man~i think i'm gonna flunk it!=oops=i just don't know anything about accounting esp. the calculation....nahhh...not cut out to be an accountant or anything related to it...but luckily after this Ut, no more lessons on THESE stuffs le...sighhh....as i had said earlier.....bcos i'm fat now, i can't really find pants to wear le...have been dressing up for school for quite long, cos couldn't find jeans or pants to fit..wahahahahaha..siao rite?..was thinking of wearing skirt....but a bit quite relunctant also cos it doesn't match..feeling more and more wierd wearing formal stuffs...now just wanna wear comfortable and 'sui bian'.....wahhhh!!!haizzzzz!!!!!headache about clothes too!! what to do! Don't wanna buy and waste money....sighhh...i think my muscle ache isssshhh coming back soon.....SURE tml de!! then i can suffer like hell=! stupid stupid la...BK also never kelian me and stop me from hopping since i had run up the slope like 3 consecutive times with sprinting earlier on....wahh!! NOT FAIR!! he could say that he knew I cannot take it liao but still let me continue....hurrrrhh =( i really really CANNOT take it le la....argh la!!!=really shenjingbing now.............haha =D

2005-01-03T22:40:00.000+08:00

=1st Day of SCHOOL!= BoO KizzY!!! wahaha...*ahem!* everything went well...just some fun along the way..hehe...today we did C and C for week 8 one, so we went on an excursion to Tiong Bahru. Went to some Singapore Improvement Trust(SIT) flats in that area, supposed to go and find out the significance of its structures...initially wanna borrow vincente korkor's digi cam de, but then he haven't upload all his pictures yet...so nvm, luckily wei hong have his camera handphone..but when we reached there, one coincidental thing was, the environment was so familiar when we walked around that area of flats...and then suddenly we came to TBCC!!!wahaha! i was so shocked! wahaha....don't know why i so 'dajingxiaoguaide" wahaha...shenjingbing la...actually it was the place I had a fond memory of YOUTH CUP tournament there when i was sec 2 and 3...whaha..it was great! simply miss it! haha....but today we went inside, just to see the loneliness atmosphere....no one playing vball...no cheering atmosphere..sigh...haha...the 5 of us[me, Zhou Li, Wei Hong, Hafis and Jasbir] walked around and made a video cam of the surrounding...it was damn lousy la...the video cam kept shaking de..felt dizzy just by watching it...haha..hmm...finally we were done and walked back to TB plaza's MAC to upload the video into the laptop...and we were done by 12pm? wahaha...finally we can sit after walking so long....my feet damn tired and suan....can't walk too long...After all was done, we went on our separate ways to eat and shop around...we girls[zhou li and me] went to eat and shop! The guys[weihong,hafis,jasbir] went on their own too....Zhou li and me shopped starting from the highest level to the ground level...went into almost any 'nice' shops...wahaha...we just bought something and looked around...but I felt so my feet so suan...almost couldn't take it le..i find that whenever I go shopping with friends, I'm the only one complaining about my feet...=damn weak=( hmm...we left there at 1.20pm and still have to walk to school! =sianz+tired= reached school at 1.45pm....only have 15 mins to rest b4 3rd meeting starts....hmmm....so blah blah...lessons as per normal......................ended at 3pm...NO QUIZ..that was GREAT! quickly did my short short RJ.....im sick of doing RJ! argh= don't like! Felt like going home to study..in school no mood to study bcos of disturbance...wahaha...but at the same time lazy to move! wahaha...=crazy= hmm...so didn't wait for shiwen cos maybe she going somewhere or staying on in school bahx...hmm...I planned to go Lot 1 and get some belated birthday present for my Tudi...really don't know what to buy for a guy...sigh..anyway, managed to get a little gift bahx...shopped ALONE and walking around...wahaha.....anyway, i rather shop alone at times or in pairs...=crazy=haha...think not crazy la..bleah...cos some ppl do that too! haha... Reached home le...almost wanna faint le...so tired...my feet were so tired...wahaha...after that i took a short nap..I made alarm clock every 15 mins for several times...hehe....just to be sure that i won't wake up too late to clean up kitchen....so now feeling kinda much better...sleep a little also quite good de...that's my "mi jue" wahaha...came online for a while and set status away or busy to study but no use...cos i can't study that way...can't just read off the screen and study....had to go offline and study on my desk until my battery flat...wrote some notes as i study....it's much effective way for me...so feel kinda more relief now-------wahaha...later maybe continue studying a bit more of the enterprise UT or the Eng Maths one in the late at night!(if possible) wahaha...I'm trying hard to catch up with my lost times...making up for my holidays...must try to make my new year resolution come true...wahaha....i sounded so kia su ya? wahaha...what a wishful thinking...but ended up also NONE accomplished de...like kor kor say...there's such thing as TONA=[Think only No Action] whahaha....but hope that this won't discourage me lah! =shenjingbing= whahaha =)

2005-01-02T23:37:00.000+08:00

=Man's Position in Life= ["You are born to this world to do some good and not to pass your days in idleness. If you are useless then you are a burden to this world. You must always think of rising higher in goodness and wisedom. Man is the noblest living being. You will be abusing the privilege you have attained if you are not worthy of the cause for which your merits have given you this high place."] ---I really agree with this statement!! it's very meaningful right?!?!?wahaha....hopefully all human beings can think this way!! =hehe=

My GUidInG S*TaR (*.*)